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On Wife-ing

Blog swapping with Evelyn from Hanging by a Silver Lining again. We had so much fun last week! Thanks, you guys, for being the best blog followers in the world.
Evelyn just recently announced that she is expecting her fourth baby! Hooray for her. I'm so in love with newborn babies. Congratulations!

Remember, I'm posting over at her place today so go check it out, and be sure to poke around and give her some comment love.
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I love love love words.

But.

I hate the word, "girlfriend". And I despise the word, "fiancee".

But. "Wife". "Wife" is a glorious word, don't you agree?

Although I was in no particular rush to get married, I did eagerly look forward to the day I would become some one's "wife". When Joe and I were dating, I could just never bring myself to label him as my "boyfriend" or myself as his "girlfriend". I would often just introduce him as "Joe" and let people make their own assumptions.

Even when we became engaged, I found myself gagging a bit when I would introduce him as "Joe, my fiancee".

Commitment issues? you ask. No way. Honestly, I couldn't wait to make it all official and tie myself in every way to this wonderful man. I just had/have some deep-seated problem with those words and what they imply. My therapist and I are close to a revelation though.

But think about it. "Girlfriend" is so fleeting. Girlfriend is so silly. Girlfriend is so second grade. What exactly makes you a "girlfriend"? He pulled your hair on the playground? You held hands? You kissed? Sure, one second you are a girlfriend, but there are no true bonds that hold you to that title. It can change in a matter of seconds. Like if you laugh too loud in public places or you don't know how to play X-box or you chop off your hair. Not...that *I* would know anything about any of those examples...eh-hem.

Even the term "fiancee"... I don't speak French. How does a verbal commitment to enter into the bonds of matrimony qualify me to suddenly speak foreign languages? Do I at least get a free trip with my newly attained title? Or maybe a free side of fries??

But "wife"... Wife is solid. Wife is stable. Wife is forever (well, for some, but let's not open that can of worms right now, shall we?). Wife becomes "wife" because of commitment, covenants, and continued work and devotion.

I love the word, "wife". I love being "wife".

Trust me. I was no pro when I became one. In fact, I failed miserably the first year. I entered into our marriage believing 100% that the only and right way to do anything was my mother's way. (Did you just cringe a little bit?) Ohhhh the late night arguments. Ohhhh the tears shed. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh the cold-back-to-back-and-hugging-the-side-of-the-bed nights.

After seven years of marriage, even Joe still talks about the argument we had about how to chop onions "the right way" only weeks into our happily-ever-after. I'm just grateful he talks about it now with humor in his voice. It wasn't always so funny to either of us. He told me the other day it will probably be one of the stories he tells our grandchildren. Oh goodie. Tell my grandchildren how bad at being a wife I was.

Not that I have it all figured out now. No way! But I'm getting better. I'm mellower. I'm less emotional. I'm less defensive. I finally figured out there is more than one way to do anything. (Boy, I'd like to vinyl letter that little gem on the wall above our bed.)

If you asked Joe, he might say differently, but I think as the years go by I am tempering and polishing like a fine metal that one day will be marvelous to behold. Marvelous enough to deserve that honored title of "wife".

And then when Grandpa Joe gets going on his chopped onion story for the umpteenth time, the grandchildren won't believe a word he says, because of the perfectly amazing, wifely lady Grandma Evie is. That or the candy jar crammed is full of bribery.

Comments

Cannwin said…
haha... onions!? When Ralexwin and I were first married he WOULD NOT sleep under the covers. He's make the bed all nice and neat and then sleep on top of it (so he wouldn't mess up the made bed). We argued over that forever before I convinced him he'd sleep better under the covers.

First years are rough, I wouldn't redo them for anything. I like the later years better. :)
Brittany said…
I am hoping that I am nearing the end of those "first" years.

Lol, if you really want that quote in vynal, there is a site where you can get it made! http://www.etsy.com/shop/loladecor
iamwoman said…
Love this! Wait? You only had trouble the 1st year? I remember after year 7 thinking..PHEW..made it through that 7 year itch;)

It's true-- Fiance wasn't final YET. I stil got hit on, I still had a chance to back out, it wasn't solid like you said.

I honestly never thought to much about it before...but now I appreciate the perspective and love the humor in which you said it;)
Lind Family said…
You speak truth, Grandma Evie! ;-) I'm glad we're not the only ones who took a while to figure out that there is more than one way to do something.
Myya said…
I too LOVE the word wife, I couldn't wait to FINALLY be one! I think the years & years & ohhh did I mention YEARS it took for him to FINALLY make it official made it all the more sweet. Once we got married & moved in together I caught flack for changing everything.. I mean seriously did we need a pool table in our front room!!! He kids me now & again, but always follows it up with... but, boy was it the best thing I ever did! Whew, I guess I'm doing ok then huh :)
By the way I love these swaps you two do. How fun is it to see the different take you guys have on a subject.
Cannwin said…
Thanks Myya! It's been a lot of fun for both of us. I can't believe the great response we've had to them too. We're supposed to only be doing two more, but maybe we'll have to have a second session sometime soon, hmm?
Cannwin said…
Oh, wait! We have three post swaps left. Whew, glad I caught that. :)
Sami said…
It took me a while to "adjust" to the word "wife". It sounded so OLD to me. Granted, I got married at 19, so that was a little young to be a wife, but still. Roon and I never really fought about the right way to do things. We do, however, have an ongoing disagreement about the color of a certain pan before Roon caught it on fire. I say it was blue, he says it was always black.
Stupid? Yes.
Relevent to us? ABSOLUTELY!!!

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