I Can't Believe I Just Said That

It's unbelievable the things that come out of a persons mouth sometimes. Like last night when I was listening to my neighbor and his friends screaming at each other, I chuckled a little at the fact that there were more expletives than nouns, verbs, adjectives, pronouns, adverbs and conjunctions combined. You couldn't figure out what point they were trying to make!

“You are such a *&!!@$% , &^%$#$% , *&(%$ ^^$#$^%^, and &$#@! *&%$#... okay!?”

One might actually be able to look past the foul language when you realize how stupid they sound. But then I start to think about some of the things I've said in the past few years and wonder whose sillier:

“Leave your sister's dirt alone.”

“Please don't wrap spaghetti around the dinosaur's neck.”

“Hey you two! Stop licking each other!”

I've been writing these little jewels of speech down in my journal for years. I imagine to a person walking past our house it must seem strange to hear someone shout things like:

“Wipe and flush! Wipe and flush!”

“A dirty diaper is not a toy!”

“For Heaven's sake, put your pants back on!”

But they are so common around here that I hardly notice myself saying them, because I see them in context. It's worth watching for, though, if only because it can cut a tense moment like a hot knife. When someone says, “Wow, that was one of those phrases you should write in your journal” you just can't help but laugh.

Still, I don't think I'll be writing any of Peanuts' more colorful statements down for my posterity any time soon. But who knows, maybe one day I'll walk past his house and hear him shout, “I said in the toilet, not in the tub!”