The Great and Random Ramblings of Cannwin

We are at Gap and there's these moccasins for sale. The boys go over to check them out and the Mischievite says "My friend has a pair of these!"  Albowin snatches them from his brother's hand and says..... "Are those real ones like really made from Indians!?" *** On the way to school we see this hot air balloon. The kids are all loving it, then: Vicbowin says: "I've never been on a hot air balloon." Albowin: "Me neither." Mischievite: "Neither have I." Remewin: "I have! In Afwica." ***

Yesterday the Mischievite wasn't getting ready fast enough for me. I kept telling him to get dressed and he just sat there on his bedroom floor, in his undies, with his back to me. "Hey!" I finally said, after a good 10 minutes of asking. "Get dressed you!" So the Mischievite turns to me, wipes his fingers on the floor and says, "Oh, sorry mom... I was just having my booger breakfast." AAAAHHH! I swear boys may be the death of me.

Mischievite during a commercial for a theme park: "Mom, I would want to go there, but those dinosaurs might eat me." Me: "Honey, those dinosaurs are just robots." Mischievite: "Do the dinosaurs know that?" --- Conversation with a 3 year old I was babysitting: Me: "How old are you?" Her: "Fwee." Me: "Oh my goodness, you are so old! When is your birthday?" Her: "Umm." Me: "Do you know? It's okay if you don't." Her: "It had yellow frosting!" --- Vicbowin during a tantrum: "I'm a religious girl and I don't believe in hitting you Mom!" --- Me to Ralexwin in our nightly phone conversation: Me: "I know you're tired, so why don't we hang up and then you can relax and go use that Bullet I got you." Him: "Okay. I love you." Me: "Except, when I say Bullet I mean blender... you realize that, right?" Him: **ch...

Yesterday was a monumentally trying day. I woke up at 4AM because of Remewin.... bless her little rotten soul... and it all went down from there. My glasses broke (Remewin), which required me to dig around in my makeup case for that last pair of contacts. Which meant that I had to go to the store for contact solution (and eye-drops because my eyes dry out lickety split with contacts in). Then I forgot to buy that one thing I'd been meaning to get for a week (ear buds to replace the ones the Mischievite ATE after his older sister left them lying around). Which meant yet another night of no Netflix. But that was okay, because that box of checks came in the mail FINALLY.... after waiting for two weeks.... but then I had to use the checks. Not the most fun part. Then, Albowin and I needed to have a little sit down concerning the completion of his Bobcat for Cub Scouts. This requires a conversation with your child about sexual abuse. Which isn't such a big issue for me t...

Me (bowing deeply): Oh, my goodness! Your Highness! Mischievite: Mom, will you stop saying that. I'm not a prince. Me: Then what are you? Mischievite: I'm just a kid in a prince outfit. -- Albowin: Your eyes are the color of green pickles. -- Grandma: I didn't know all that about frogs and toads. Albowin: Did you even go to school? -- Albowin: Grandma, why is one side of your hair white and the other side yellow? Grandma: It is? -- Mischievite (after every time that his sister bugs him): That's why we shouldn't have a baby. -- Neighbor Girl: Mom! He just put his chocolate ice cream in my pretty blonde hair! --- Mischievite: Mom, he just hit me with his head. --- Albowin: Except, I just have one single question. -- Mischievite: Mom, Mom, I have some bad news.

I think that children should be the only ones allowed to be commentator's during fireworks shows. Can you imagine how much more fun it would be if there was some child with a with a microphone and amplifier nearby when you watched the show? "Wow! That was a HUGE one." "I like those ones that go all sparkly." "Oh, that was a big boom." "That was the bestest one I ever saw!" They can do introspective as well. "Why do we have fireworks on the fourth of July anyway?" "What does that song have to do with our countries birthday?" Even their critiques would be more useful. "There's too much smoke, its not making this very fun." "Where's the red, white and blue fireworks? I see a lot of green and red ones but it's not Christmas." "I hope they don't forget to turn off those big lights." "Next year they should do more of those high ones." Yep,...

I love the way kids describe things. The way they leave out crucial details like when the Mischievite was telling his brother about the trip from SD to here. (Albowin went with his dad in the Uhaul). The Mischievite said: "We stopped on the way, in Denver, and then we got into the water." Ah, yes... the water stop. Can't travel long distances without the ritualistic getting in the water. Never mind the rest of the hotel, who cares about beds and movies and free breakfasts. All that matters is the water. The Mischievite is also fixated on turning 4. Every time we meet someone new he says "I turned four." He leaves out that crucial bit of information.... in February.... and makes everyone think it just happened. That's my life right now. A whole lot of mis-communications and bad English, but at least it's a bunch of adorable, bright eyed munchkins and not adults. In South Dakota there was this lady at the eye doctor who had terrible English...

Vicbowin has been working on this one particular story for a while now and finally, last week, read to me what she currently has. When she was done... I was speechless. Absolutely speechless. My mind reeled with thoughts like 'that was incredible,' and 'holy cow my daughter is dark,' and 'where on earth did she pick up on that?' As you read, remember that my daughter is 9 and the darkest (oldest) books she's read are the Harry Potter series and the Percy Jackson series and as of yet I have not allowed her to read about vampires. I've transcribed it with very little editing. Hope you enjoy. :) Book 1. Chapter 1. A Knight named Night went riding through the night on a horse named "Vampire." On a tree there, scratched into the tree, it said "Beware Danger awaits you beyond the time of 12:00 midnight." Night knew at the end of that hour he would be safe. So Night set up camped, built a fire (because dark creatures ...

Albowin: "See that blue sign with the chair on it... that's where damaged people can park." *** Albowin: "In Canada a fire can start in 80 seconds ." *** Mischievite: "Are there mirrors in Utah?" *** Me to Mischievite: "The way your week is playing out you're going to be black and blue when we get to Utah." Mischievite an hour later: "Mommy says I going to be black and white when I live in Utah."  *** Mischievite upon meeting a new acquaintance: "Hi, I had a birfday and now I'm four." New acquaintance: "Oh, when was your birthday?" Mischievite: "Febwuary." *** Mischievite: "Mom, when me burp it makes me unfat." *** Me: "So, what is the first thing you want to do when we get to Utah?" Mischievite: "Look in a mirror to see myself black and blue."

Mischievite: Mom is that your diarrhea? Me: What?  Mischievite pointing to computer: Your diarrhea. Me: You mean my diary? Mischievite: Yeah, diarrhea. ---- Mischievite: Mom, how did those people get turned into statues? --- Mischievite: Pretend you a big giant mountain. Me: Okay. Mischievite: Hello, big giant mountain, what's your name? Me: ::silence:: Mischievite whispering: Mom, you're a GOOD big, giant mountain. Me whispering: Okay. Mischievite: Big giant mountain what your name? Me: ::silence:: Mischievite: Mom! Talk!!!! Me: But I'm a mountain. Mischievite: A TALKING mountain, Mom. --- Mischievite: Mom, do you like fresh fingers? Me: Fresh fingers? Mischievite: Yep. Me: Sure, they are the tastiest. --- Mischievite after being walloped by his little sister: That's why we shouldn't have a baby. --- And a little extra --- Vicbowin: What's the fastest animal in the world? Me: I think it's the Cheetah. Vicbowin: No, tha...

Vicbowin: What if you lived in steam? Later to her brothers: Guys, never walk in steam and if you ever have the chance, don't live in it... it'll kill you. --- Vicbowin: Mom, what's your least favorite finger? I, myself, am not very fond of my thumb. --- Mischievite: Pete and Pete are in a boat... and then them they fall out and then them died. (actually joke goes: Pete and Repete are in a boat, Pete falls out, whose left?) --- Me: Since no one has school tomorrow I expect you all to sleep in. Albowin: What!? Vicbowin: Mom, Dad said that we could get up at 6:30. Me: That's fine, but I just thought you might want to sleep in a little. Vicbowin: Why? --- Vicbowin version of 'Wheels on the Bus': The wheels on the bus go horizontal, horizontal, horizontal. The wheels on the bus go horizontal, all through the town. The wipers on the bus go vertical, vertical, vertical. The wipers on the bus go vertical, all through the town. The cell phone on...

Albowin:I don't like toast. Elizabeth: This isn't toast, it's a grilled cheese sandwich. Albowin: Still, is the bread cooked? Elizabeth: Yeah. Albowin: I don't like cooked bread. ---- Mischievite: Do you want some of my gum? Me: Sure. Mischievite breaks off some of his ABC gum and gives it to me... I plop it in my mouth. Me: There's no flavor left in this. Vicbowin: Are you eating his gum? Me: Yeah. Vicbowin: Um, Mom... he found that on my floor. ---- Albowin: You almost made me push my eye in! ---- Albowin to Mischievite: No coffee isn't when you cough... its something that some people drink. ---- V: I'm not going to school looking like a person who doesn't have Squinkee's!

Conversation between Albowin and Ralexwin: R: Okay, how do you spell 'people'? A: P-E-O.... P-E-L R: Close, but remember that in this word the E is at the end. A: Oh! Okay. P-E-O-P-E-N R: No. A: P-E-O-P-N-E-N R: No. I didn't say there was an 'N' after 'E', I said there was an E at the end. Try again. A: You said there was an 'N'. R: No, there was an end. A: Like 'Y'!? ---- The Mischievite saying goodbye to his dad. M: Bye! Remember Dad, don't walk in the road and don't die! ----- Ralexwin and Albowin: R: Okay, now spell 'family.' A: F-I-M-L-E-D R: What? No... listen to the sounds, please. ----- Bedtime Negotiations: A: Since I didn't get to go to bed until 8:14, I think I should be able to keep my light on later. R: I understand, but you have to be up early tomorrow so you can't keep it on past the usual 8:30. A: How about 8:39? R: I don't think I can go past 8:37. ...

Today my kids are helping me with my blog post. There is absolutely no point to the title except that the Mischievite came up with it. Vicbowin What do you want to be when you grow up? I don't know, I haven't thought about it.   What is your favorite color? Turquoise How do you make bread? You make some dough and stick it in the oven.   Who's your best friend? Jenna.   What is gravity? Something that pulls you to the Earth and sucks you to the middle of it.   Where do babies come from? A mom's belly.   Where does electricity come from? An outlet in the wall.   How much does a house cost? A million dollars. What would you do with $100 dollars? I would buy everything in the world.   If you could go anywhere in the world to visit, where would you go? Australia. What is one new thing you would like to try this year? I want to practice dying.   What is one memory you have from this summer? Mosquitos.   If you...

The Mischievite standing on top of a slide. Me: 'Sit down please, I don't want you falling.' Mischievite: 'Yeah, cause me fall and then me crack my head open and then me go back to Jesus.' --- Albowin after noticing a sign that says STAIR. 'Mom, why is it commanding us to stare?' --- Mischievite to a friend: 'When me die me go back to Jesus and then me become a mermaid!' --- Albowin to Mischievite: 'That's Mom's soda. It's Diet Coke. It's for fat people like mom, she's fat and wants to be skinny so she drinks Diet Coke because Diet Cokewill make you skinny.' --- Mischievite arguing science. 'Babies not human, they pigs.'

To smart for her own good: Vicbowin: Mom, whats your favorite acid? --- Vicbowin: I can sit in your seat because it's a free country! Ralexwin: Well, it's not a free house. Not quite there yet: Albowin and the Mischievite: The rich man built his house upon the rock.                                             The wise man built his house upon the sand. ---- Vicbowin: Way back when they used to put seeds in the ground and water it and the seeds would turn into food! Thank you for that information: Vicbowin: I like sleeping, it's one of my hobbies. -- Vicbowin: But Moooom... the day before yesterday I didn't have lunch. ---- Ralexwin: Why do you think children make parents happy? Albowin: Because they do work so moms and dads don't have to. ---- ...

Speaking Scientifically *Vicbowin: It's 4 oz (said like awz) right? Ralexwin laughing: Yeah. Vicbowin: Awz is short for ounces. *Vicbowin: The weather said stranded clouds. You know the ones that wander around not sure where to go.   *Albowin: Mom-whats that white thing up there? Me: Umm, a cloud. ----- Self-diagnosis: Albowin: My tummy feels like a roasted duck. ---- The What If's: *Vicbowin: Would you rather die from drowning or from burning to death. Next day-  Vicbowin: Would you rather have your feet burnt off by the cement or be poked by pine needles? Me: Poked by pine needles! Vicbowin: Until your dead? Me: Will you stop it! *Albowin: What would it be like if baseball bats were made out of wood? Vicbowin: What if baseballs were made out of metal!? Then There's The Mischievite: *Mischievite: 1-2-3-4 you grounded! * To his Sunday teacher: Me mommy has a big bum!

Monday I'll announce the winner of my first ever give-away. You're odds of winning are really high so don't miss your chance! Here . Conversation between Ralexwin and Albowin: R: "Why did you wet your bed last night?" A: "I didn't wet my bed!" R: "Then why were the sheets wet?" A: "Because my underwear was wet?" R: "Why was your underwear wet?" A: "I don't know!" R: "I do.... You need to get up and go to the bathroom if you need to go." A: "I don't want to!" R: "Well Mom doesn't want to change your sheets every day either." ------- At the Vicbowin's school waiting for her play to begin: Mischievite to another parent: "Hi" Parent: "Hi" Mischievite: "What your name?" Parent: "Jane." Mischievite: "Hmm. What your daughter name?" Parent: "Samantha." Mischievite: "What you...

I've been working on this little project called a ' Mom Book ' recently (which I know is going to give my sisters heart-attacks... sorry) and one of the things I've added to it is a 'questionnaire' for each of the children to answer about me. Albowin's answers were sweet answers like 'I like mom's smile.' My precocious (and cheeky) Vicbowin was much more to the point with her answers: What is you r mom really good at?                                                       Yelling. What is your mom NOT very good at?                                    ...

Mischievite in Ralexwin's shoes: "Hi, me Daddy. Me have big feet!" Albowin: Everyone has electricity... except for Indians. They don't, they just live in tents. Vicbowin to her brothers: You do know Kung Fu Panda isn't real, right? Because ninja's only live in Japan. Vicbowin: When you get cooties what happens to you... is it like a fever or something? Mischievite: Me not a pirate, me have two eyes. Albowin: Mom, how can he be the pirate captain without a patch? --- And (embarrassingly) a conversation between me and Vicbowin this morning: Me: Is it Horton hears a who or Whoton hears a Hore. ::Gasp:: I mean...   Vicbowin: ...Whoton hears a hore... that's funny mom. Me kicking myself: No... it's not. It's a bad word. Vicbowin quietly: Hore is a swear word? Me frantic: Yes, well kinda. It's about the meanest thing you can call a woman. Vicbowin, processing faster than I can react: But when the women were prot...