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The "Woe" of WOman

I wonder what that divine Creator was thinking when He created women. Surely He had worked on man for quite a while and, pleased with what He had done, turned to the small fragile figure of Adam's mate and began to form the curves and lines that make up the delicate features of the female.

He must have had a checklist:

Head-x

Arms-x

Breasts-x

Legs-x

Toes-x

Uterus-x

He knew what He wanted for each of His greatest works, but I wonder... when He was done did He look around himself and see a pile of left overs.

“Hmm,” He must have said to himself, “we can't have that.”

So He took a long look at his two people and surely His brow furrowed. “Well, man's going to have his hands full with hunting and taking care of his family so I'd better stick these on women.”

He looked down again at the pile and realized that He could hardly tack them on without a good reason. He took a closer look at the woman's checklist tapping his finger against His cheek.

“Aha!” He cried triumphantly, and began to place these “extras” upon the woman. His list magically changed.

Head-x

Arms-x

Breasts-x

Legs-x

Toes-x

Uterus > Pregnancy>

-weight loss

-weight gain

-nausea

-stretch marks

-physical distortion

-emotional distress

-depression

-swelling

The woman's shoulders slowly began to sag, the added weight bending her back.

“Now, now we can't have that.” The Man said. He pushed her shoulders back and ran his fingers along her spine stiffening it. The woman stood straight once more allowing him to continue his work.

-back pain

-exhaustion

His pile was running low and he noticed that some of the pieces could not be distributed evenly throughout all women. These he set out randomly-complication, disease, barrenness and miscarriage.

I imagine that at this point He brushed off His hands and marveled at His work. His face might even have turned to a smile at how completely He was able to use His pieces until He realized one slight problem.

“Why on earth would they want to have children?” He asked of himself in despair. The Great Artist looked frantically around himself for anything that might help and then he saw it. Down below the boxes he'd carried to his work station, below the piles of garbage left from such a job He spotted it. He pulled it out, smiling once more, and blew off all the dust and debris.

Then with one sweeping gesture He placed it firmly on the woman's forehead. It read boldly “SELECTIVE AMNESIA.”

So the man was done. He smiled to Himself, patted man on the head and made sure that woman's back was still stiff and strong. He walked to the door, and with one quick glance back (just to make sure) he turned off the light and shut the door.

Comments

Lisa said…
Amen sister. I've reached the phase when you can't sleep at night because your so huge. Sometimes I wonder why I volunteered to do this again... But then I remember.
Ivy said…
feeling better today??
cannwin said…
I got in to see the doctor today and she gave me some anti-nausea drugs so I will go get that filled today and will be a happy woman once again. Hooray!

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