The Great and Random Ramblings of Cannwin

My days are so crazy right now that sometimes I wonder how on Earth I'm actually keeping up with it all. I get up at 7AM and go, go, go until at least 10PM. But just telling you that isn't going to give you a real idea of what I do. So I'll lay it out for you. ** 7AM My alarm goes off and I stumble out of bed rubbing my eyes and shuffling to the kids rooms. I don't get the opportunity to hit the snooze button because if I'm not up and moving within 5 minutes of that alarm we are all late. 7:50AM We HAVE to be out of the house by now if we are going to have any breathing room for our schedules. Which really means if we aren't all yelling at each other all the way to the Irish Twins school then we need to be in the car by now. 8:00AM When we typically leave the house. 8:13AM When the Irish Twins usually make it to school and barrel out of the car. 8:15AM When their school starts. 8:30AM Drop the Mischievite and Rem...

School's back in session today. Someday's do you secretly smile when you wave goodbye to your kids in the morning? I do.

This weekend Ralexwin has a 4-day pass from the military and is going to come visit the Irish Twins for their birthdays. We haven't told them he's coming, but we have told them they have a big surprise headed their way. Naturally the questions started raining down after that announcement. "What is it?" --Not telling. "Is it a light saber?" --I'm not answering specifics like that. "What color is it?" --Umm, white.... sometimes it has green on it. "Is it from Dad?" --Yes "Does it have to do with the Army?" --Yes "Is it an alien?" --No, but I find it funny you associate aliens with the military. "Is it a robot?" --What exactly do you think your dads job is? "Is it a toy?" --No. "But you can play with it?" --Yes. "Grown up games or kid games?" --It knows some fun grown up games, but it can handle kid games too. (I was rather pleased with this an...

Last week Remewin did something that I've never actually dealt with  in a child before--she cut her hair. I gotta tell you, I nearly cried. I've been growing out her luscious locks since she was born and in one moment the entire left side was gone. So... after a few days of talking myself into it, I got the courage up to cut it to her shoulders and blend in the chop. Today I came down to my room after my shower and found a huge clump of hair waiting for me by my desk. I thought, I hoped, I'd just missed picking it up last week (even though I've vacuumed since then) but no.... Remewin cut her hair again. This time I'm not sure what I'm going to do short of boy cutting it. I may cry.

Once again the defining word in my life is exhaustion. When the Irish Twins headed off to school today (earlier then usual per my request) I crumbled back onto my soft, inviting bed and entered non-existance. Remewin is sick with the vomits, Albowin was awake ALL NIGHT LONG, and the Mischievite tried a 'cling to her and she won't notice I'm in the bed' tactic last night. See, that's the problem with singling it. There is no break time, no time to regain your balance. It's like one of those bad nightmares where you're trying to run as fast as you can but keep stumbling, even though you know that if you stop then bad things will happen. Sometimes when things get really rough I find myself begging God not to make me go through it. I'll make promises I can't keep. "Please, if You just let this pass I promise I'll never ask for anything ever again."  Yeah right. "I swear I'll pray everyday if You just make this stomach...

I love this fantastic little boy. Have I mentioned that? Well, I do. Every night he crawls into bed with me and sleeps, but he doesn't just sleep in the bed, he has to be near enough to me that he can touch my hair and have my arms around him. I have a King sized bed and with the Mischievite in it I only get about 1/4 of that space. I love how he always has a ready smile and his eyes twinkle when he's happy. I love the way he covers his mouth to giggle... but only when it's especially funny. And the way he adores his brother is enough to make the heart break from just watching. Love doesn't cover it. If Albowin deigns to acknowledge his brother's existence it's as if the sun has decided to shine just for him. When I had Vicbowin, I remember thinking that I couldn't possibly give anymore love to another soul. Then I was pregnant with Albowin and worried that I would not be able to love him enough... but love doesn't work that way. The more y...

The ten things every parent needs to know in order to safely manage a school zone pick-up. 1. Never get there on time. There are only two sets of happy pick up parents -- the early arrivers and the late comers. 2. Don't be a late comer, your happiness will vanish the second your child gets in the car. 3. Have a pre-determined get away plan. Unless you know how you're going to leave, you'll be there until hell freezes over. 4. Watch for magic children. The first sign of these is when they appear out of nowhere directly in front of your car. 5. Two tires are better than four-- at weaving between deadly obstacles. 6. If the mom in the car behind you gets out and starts walking your way, roll up your windows really quickly and pretend to have no peripheral vision. 7. Friends are a parents worst enemy. If you see one attached to your child, expect the worst and whatever you do, DO NOT hope for the best. 8. The buses don't care how long you've been wa...

Yesterday was a monumentally trying day. I woke up at 4AM because of Remewin.... bless her little rotten soul... and it all went down from there. My glasses broke (Remewin), which required me to dig around in my makeup case for that last pair of contacts. Which meant that I had to go to the store for contact solution (and eye-drops because my eyes dry out lickety split with contacts in). Then I forgot to buy that one thing I'd been meaning to get for a week (ear buds to replace the ones the Mischievite ATE after his older sister left them lying around). Which meant yet another night of no Netflix. But that was okay, because that box of checks came in the mail FINALLY.... after waiting for two weeks.... but then I had to use the checks. Not the most fun part. Then, Albowin and I needed to have a little sit down concerning the completion of his Bobcat for Cub Scouts. This requires a conversation with your child about sexual abuse. Which isn't such a big issue for me t...

Well, Ralexwin informs me that the last day of the Bar Exam was "brutal," but that everyone else thought so too. So today we wait for him to get home and spend a few days before he leaves again. While we are waiting I get the distinct pleasure of dealing with Vicbowin, who is currently limping around the house and screaming every time she puts weight on her leg. "I think it's broken!!!" She keeps wailing. "Did you fall on it?" I keep asking in that forced patience that only a mom can pull off. "Noooooooo." "Then it's not broken." She's bugging me. I suppose I ought to be more patient with her, but what it comes down to is the fact that she's a drama queen and I'm just not convinced it's as bad as all that. If, for instance, I said "Well then you'll have to stay in bed and not go to that party you have today." She'll immediately straighten her leg and deal with the pain. To me, th...

Today I'm going to go to the water park with a girl from church. It's nice to think I've been invited somewhere. :) She said, "Let's do something this week." As if we'd been friends for years and this was just a normal day occurrence. Nice. The problem is that Vicbowin hates the water park. I'm not sure why either, she just does and she'll fight me when I tell her where we're going. It's been really hard on her moving here. Harder than anyone else. While the Mischievite makes friends as easily as some people eat candy (okay, all people) Vicbowin is left struggling to find someone, anyone her age who will say five words to her. While Albowin just scowls at everyone and prefers time to himself, Vicbowin cries herself to sleep and notes exactly how much time has passed since we've been here (It's been two months now, Mom, and still no friends.) So for some reason the water park is the  personification of this issue for her. S...

Vicbowin has this problem. It's a medical issue, something that's been affecting her since she was an infant. She'd die if I told you about it so we'll call it 'slurping.' So, like I said, her entire life she's struggled with this and I have been patient with the medical community... sometimes excessively so... this weekend I've decided I'm done with patience and I'm trying a new tactic. I'm going to call it 'hell hath no fury.' But let me backtrack a little. Okay a lot. Waaaaay back when Vicbowin was a baby I took her to the doctor for her 'slurping' problems. The pediatrician immediately sent me to a specialist. The specialist had a 6 month-out-schedule... so it took us a while to get in. We went once and the medical gentleman in question put Vicbowin on some over the counter medication in preparation for our next visit. In the 6 months that followed everything in our life changed (Ralexwin was sent to Iraq) includin...

Yesterday I decided that I desperately needed some new clothes. So, seeing as how I don't really have an option, I loaded the four kids into the car and headed to the stores. Everything went fairly well. We were out shopping for 3 hours and I didn't have any major disciplinary issues the entire time. Even Remewin sat quietly in her stroller. However, there was this one incident. Just as I had my arms loaded with clothes to try on (that I would only buy one thing from) the Mischievite announced he had to go to the bathroom... again... for the third time. I looked at my arms covered in merchandise and made a split second decision to send Vicbowin off with her brother in search of a restroom. Fast forward 10 minutes and you would find me half dressed in the fitting room as Vicbowin comes storming down the corridor. "Mom! That's not funny." (Arms half way out of a shirt, I pause to consider what she could possibly be talking about.) "Is your brother...

One of my best friends in the world suffered a severe blow to her morale several years ago when her husband filed for divorce. My friend 'T' lost everything she had save for two things... her faith and her son. In the subsequent years I have watched as my friends unwavering faith in Jesus Christ has molded the very fiber of who she is. During difficult times, 'T' attends the temple as frequently as she can. Sometimes even daily. When she is struggling she seeks out priesthood blessings. When she is sad or lonely she prays. She truly, and thoroughly relies on the Lord for everything in her life and by extension enables her son, now 9, to witness the daily miracles that are wrought in their lives. Sheri Dew points out that: “Satan has declared war on motherhood. He knows that those who rock the cradle can rock his earthly empire. And he knows that without righteous mothers loving and leading the next generation, the kingdom of God will fail. When we understand the ...

Sister Julie B. Beck, Relief Society General President said: “Mothers who know are nurturers. … To nurture means to cultivate, care for, and make grow. Another word for nurturing is homemaking. Homemaking includes cooking, washing clothes and dishes, and keeping an orderly home. Home is where women have the most power and influence; therefore, Latter-day Saint women should be the best homemakers in the world. ... Nurturing mothers are knowledgeable, but all the education women attain will avail them nothing if they do not have the skill to make a home that creates a climate for spiritual growth. Growth happens best in a “house of order,” and women should pattern their homes after the Lord’s house (see D&C 109). Nurturing requires organization, patience, love, and work." Now I don't know about you, but that is a lot of pressure. Just reciting that quote sends my mind into a tailspin of failings, dissapointments and regrets. It takes a lot of silent convincing ...

Just before I moved away from South Dakota I was asked to speak in church about motherhood. This is what I had to say (in 3 parts): Several months ago there was an online article that made it's way through the blogging community regarding the fascination non-Mormon women have with what they dub 'Mormon Mommy Blogs.' As the article spread like wildfire through the very niche it talked about, Mormon Mommy bloggers around the world chuckled in unison. “ [To] use a word that makes me cringe, these blogs are weirdly "uplifting." To read Mormon lifestyle blogs is to peer into a strange and fascinating world where the most fraught issues of modern living -- marriage and child rearing -- appear completely unproblematic. ...This seems practically subversive to someone like me, weaned on an endless media parade of fretful stories about "work-life balance" and soaring divorce rates and the perils of marrying too young/too old/too whatever. [But], Mormo...

I need to shift my thinking. I realized this last night. My days have been spent trying to cope with kids in a way that still involved Ralexwin coming home every evening. Although I new he wasn't, my mind still had that mentality. I need to change this. I need to start focusing my motherhood on him not being around. From past experience I know that being a 'single' mom requires a complete change in my parental psyche. There's no waiting for someone else to fix it, there's no complaining when they don't. There just literally isn't someone else. I have to remind myself again that this is where I am. It seriously sucks, but it's a challenge and I like challenges... sometimes. Remewin isn't handling this move well at all, neither is Albowin. Both are acting out in their own ways. Yesterday I held Remewin almost all day, and not just on the hip with one arm--I mean full on wrapped in my arms, head buried in my shoulder, kind of holding. She ...

The problem with having 2 rooms to call ones own (especially when downsizing from 3,000 square feet) is that you have to endure a LOT more crap from your kids. Like right now the Mischievite is singing annoying loud renditions of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star just to get at his older brother who has been grounded to the bed for being a little punk. So me... who has the entire second room to myself, but must leave the door between the two open... can feel my frustration level climbing by the second. Of course blogging about it makes it all a bit more humorous. Like when Albowin shouts "BE QUIET!" at his brother. Who then says, "I'M SOOOO QUIET!!!!" heh heh heh Maybe it's just because Albowin has been an ornery little cuss for the last three days that I have zero sympathy for his current plight. It's one of those quotable things "If Albowin ain't happy, ain't no one happy." I swear... some days I'd like to go back to ...

(written offline on May19th) The first week of my new life in Utah has passed and I will admit a burning desire to jump in my car and race back “home” to South Dakota. After a grueling few days of unpacking Ralexwin left me with a kiss and an “I love you,” and headed north to Salt Lake City. Three hours later Remewin started throwing up. Six hours later the Mischievite did the same. Five days later and Remewin was still at it. I have had very little sleep. I've stripped my bed three times and Remewin's crib four times. Today when Ralexwin called I told him I was very angry at him for taking me away from my home and my doctors and my friends and my comfort zone, then I cried and told him that I just wanted to go back. But the vomits are hardly the only issue with my cross country move. Everyone here is so PRETTY. Seriously.... not kidding I think I've moved to a mini-Hollywood or something. And my mother-in-law has about 5 times as man...

The other day I had the sweetest experience with my Mischievite. I hadn't thought about sharing it until last night when I was telling Ralexwin about it and he said something along the lines of how wonderful it was that I got to be a mom and share such things with my children. Ha! So, I'll tell you a tale. The Mischievite was sitting next to me in the truck, one morning, as we took the slow route past the University on our way to meet a friend for lunch. He was chatting about this or that and I was only partway listening until he announced, as all kids inevitably do, "I don't like my name." I chuckled to myself and responded appropriately. "I'm sorry, I think it's a pretty fantastic name, that's why I gave it to you." But the Mischievite was having none of that. He really didn't like his name. He really wanted a new name. "I wish my name was Dinosaur Man." "Dinosaur Man, huh?" "Yep." I tried...

What mom? I am in a foul mood. Last night the last idea that crossed my mind is that it seemed like life was all about waking up and waiting for the day to go by. That's not what I particularly think, it was more of a 'break things down until you've seriously made the world look wretched' sort of thought, but it was the last one I had before tumbling into the dream world. Needless to say I tossed and turned all night. Then this morning I wake to discover that my two angel boys ::note thick sarcasm:: had eaten 24 Pop Tarts between themselves during the night. 24! That's 4800 calories! Not to mention that one of those boxes of Pop Tarts was branded fudge and had been purchased specifically for my own midnight indulgences (at an admittedly slower pace too). Now this is the part where a good mom would scold her kids and move on, but I honestly don't know what to do with my children. They are food hoarders and it makes me INSANE. I just can't eve...