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Angry Faces

I love this fantastic little boy.

Have I mentioned that? Well, I do.

Every night he crawls into bed with me and sleeps, but he doesn't just sleep in the bed, he has to be near enough to me that he can touch my hair and have my arms around him. I have a King sized bed and with the Mischievite in it I only get about 1/4 of that space.

I love how he always has a ready smile and his eyes twinkle when he's happy. I love the way he covers his mouth to giggle... but only when it's especially funny.

And the way he adores his brother is enough to make the heart break from just watching. Love doesn't cover it. If Albowin deigns to acknowledge his brother's existence it's as if the sun has decided to shine just for him.

When I had Vicbowin, I remember thinking that I couldn't possibly give anymore love to another soul. Then I was pregnant with Albowin and worried that I would not be able to love him enough... but love doesn't work that way. The more you give of true love the more love you have to give, until the very fiber of who you are is consumed with a blazing fire.

I was thinking the other day, as I was driving (my best thinking is done either behind the steering wheel or under the shower-head), I realized that it had been a while since I'd felt fat and ugly. I realized that it had been several days since I'd noticed the newly found anomalies upon myself that declared me unfit for any beauty contests. I wondered why this was and came to the conclusion that it was because I had been so busy with my children and my friends that I had very little time to formulate a self-destructive thought.

Then I was reminded of the saying "Lose yourself in service" and I realized that the key to that motto is truly the loss of self! When we are consumed by that blazing fire of love we have very little time to think about ourselves. When we are focused on a job, or a conversation, or a good deed we are to busy being to acknowledge self doubt.

My children do this for me.

Recently I had this experience where the kids weren't going to sleep and, after what seems like an eternity, I went into their 'room' and I lost it. I yelled and I cried and I told them how they were taking the only time that I had for myself and yada yada yada. Then Vicbowin stops me in my tracks with"

"Daddy loves you Mommy and he misses you too."

I just stared at her like she'd spoken Arabic and then I burst into tears and held her.

My children help me keep focus. They help me to lose myself in something greater than me and that helps me forget to feel sorry for my flaws.

The catch is that I have to actually spend time with them to gain this rejuvinating power. I have to do silly things with them, like take multiple pictures of a 4 year old boy and his 'Angry Faces.' I have to laugh and play and love in order to forget my faults long enough to love myself.

So... I just thought I'd say all that... and tell you that I love my children. Even when they thinks it's funny to make mean faces at their mom.

Comments

Meaghan said…
This is such a wonderful post. I was glad to read this. I miss you lots and you should know that I love you too! :)

<3

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