1. Never get there on time. There are only two sets of happy pick up parents -- the early arrivers and the late comers.
2. Don't be a late comer, your happiness will vanish the second your child gets in the car.
3. Have a pre-determined get away plan. Unless you know how you're going to leave, you'll be there until hell freezes over.
4. Watch for magic children. The first sign of these is when they appear out of nowhere directly in front of your car.
5. Two tires are better than four-- at weaving between deadly obstacles.
6. If the mom in the car behind you gets out and starts walking your way, roll up your windows really quickly and pretend to have no peripheral vision.
7. Friends are a parents worst enemy. If you see one attached to your child, expect the worst and whatever you do, DO NOT hope for the best.
8. The buses don't care how long you've been waiting, neither do the cross-walk guards.
9. Cool parents do not yell at other parents. They just cut them off.
10. 3 out of 10 parents believe that one-way signs, yellow (or red) zones, and sidewalks are all optional during pick up time... unless there are police around. There are never police around.