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All the Single Mommy's

I need to shift my thinking. I realized this last night.

My days have been spent trying to cope with kids in a way that still involved Ralexwin coming home every evening. Although I new he wasn't, my mind still had that mentality.

I need to change this. I need to start focusing my motherhood on him not being around.

From past experience I know that being a 'single' mom requires a complete change in my parental psyche. There's no waiting for someone else to fix it, there's no complaining when they don't. There just literally isn't someone else.

I have to remind myself again that this is where I am.

It seriously sucks, but it's a challenge and I like challenges... sometimes.

Remewin isn't handling this move well at all, neither is Albowin. Both are acting out in their own ways.

Yesterday I held Remewin almost all day, and not just on the hip with one arm--I mean full on wrapped in my arms, head buried in my shoulder, kind of holding. She won't let anyone touch her except for her uncle who, I'm assuming, must remind her of her own father.

Albowin is completely different. He's always been an ornery child, but these past two weeks have been nightmarish for everyone in his path. His physical bullying has taken on a new level and his screaming fits are daily. The other day he actually informed me that he hates me.

So, when I normally would lean on Ralexwin for support in these situations, I now only have myself. I must get Albowin into a counselor before too much time has passed and I must get Remewin into some form of normalcy that will allow her to relax just a bit.

I almost wish we'd done this move in the middle of the school year, when schedules are required, but we didn't and now I have to knuckle down.

This is my life right now. This is my life again. I know Ralexwin will hate to read this, it will make him feel helpless.

Recently he said to me that the trials I've been given in my life are very specific. I've been thinking alot about that lately. I've never really wanted to be a single mom (who does?) but that seems to be a hat I'm destined to wear frequently throughout my life. It's hard, but if I can remember to shift my mentality I'm sure I can handle it.

Comments

Polly Blevins said…
You can handle it. How can I say that? You have a few times already. I don't envy you and I hate it for you but I do love you. I guess in my thinking, I would think, well what are my positives and the first would be, at least there is a park across the street. That is a life savor for me.
Ashy said…
I have no idea how you do it, Charity... You truly are an inspiration to me. I honestly have no idea what I'd do if Dan had to leave for military or anything... We pray for you often and if you need anything that I could possibly do, please tell me! Love you! Things will work out in the end, I'm positive of that :)

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Who I Am #6

A moment when I achieved absolute happiness was...

One of the most wonderful philosophies of my religion is the concept of eternal familes, which is a sure knowledge that families are forever and can be together well beyond this life.
The first step towards this (besides baptism and such) is to be married for time and all eternity. This takes place within the walls of holy temples.
Unfortunately as life and choice go, Ralexwin and I made the decision to not start our marriage off this way. We were married in a church and the Bishop who performed the ceremony pronounced us husband and wife 'till death do us part.'
It was a bitter sweet moment for many members of my family. Knowing what I was missing out on.
Ralexwin and I at that time were not prepared spiritually for the further commitments of the gospel of Jesus Christ. We were young and unsure of our own faith and beliefs and therefore chose to put them aside.
Life went on.
We went to church as often as we could but were fairly cas…