All the Single Mommy's

I need to shift my thinking. I realized this last night.

My days have been spent trying to cope with kids in a way that still involved Ralexwin coming home every evening. Although I new he wasn't, my mind still had that mentality.

I need to change this. I need to start focusing my motherhood on him not being around.

From past experience I know that being a 'single' mom requires a complete change in my parental psyche. There's no waiting for someone else to fix it, there's no complaining when they don't. There just literally isn't someone else.

I have to remind myself again that this is where I am.

It seriously sucks, but it's a challenge and I like challenges... sometimes.

Remewin isn't handling this move well at all, neither is Albowin. Both are acting out in their own ways.

Yesterday I held Remewin almost all day, and not just on the hip with one arm--I mean full on wrapped in my arms, head buried in my shoulder, kind of holding. She won't let anyone touch her except for her uncle who, I'm assuming, must remind her of her own father.

Albowin is completely different. He's always been an ornery child, but these past two weeks have been nightmarish for everyone in his path. His physical bullying has taken on a new level and his screaming fits are daily. The other day he actually informed me that he hates me.

So, when I normally would lean on Ralexwin for support in these situations, I now only have myself. I must get Albowin into a counselor before too much time has passed and I must get Remewin into some form of normalcy that will allow her to relax just a bit.

I almost wish we'd done this move in the middle of the school year, when schedules are required, but we didn't and now I have to knuckle down.

This is my life right now. This is my life again. I know Ralexwin will hate to read this, it will make him feel helpless.

Recently he said to me that the trials I've been given in my life are very specific. I've been thinking alot about that lately. I've never really wanted to be a single mom (who does?) but that seems to be a hat I'm destined to wear frequently throughout my life. It's hard, but if I can remember to shift my mentality I'm sure I can handle it.