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Notes From the Underground

(written offline on May19th)

The first week of my new life in Utah has passed and I will admit a burning desire to jump in my car and race back “home” to South Dakota.

After a grueling few days of unpacking Ralexwin left me with a kiss and an “I love you,” and headed north to Salt Lake City.

Three hours later Remewin started throwing up.

Six hours later the Mischievite did the same.

Five days later and Remewin was still at it.

I have had very little sleep. I've stripped my bed three times and Remewin's crib four times.

Today when Ralexwin called I told him I was very angry at him for taking me away from my home and my doctors and my friends and my comfort zone, then I cried and told him that I just wanted to go back.

But the vomits are hardly the only issue with my cross country move.

Everyone here is so PRETTY. Seriously.... not kidding I think I've moved to a mini-Hollywood or something. And my mother-in-law has about 5 times as many mirrors in her house as I ever have in mine. So I've started noticing a few flaws about myself (possibly the lack of sleep is helping?) and I'd like to know why no one mentioned that I was so FAT!?

People!? A little, “Gee, Cannwin, you seem to be gaining a lot of weight there,” was too hard?

All right, all right. I'm not being fair... I would have bit your head off if you'd mentioned it, but I was totally unprepared for that self-realization. I mean, I knew I'd gained a little, but this is ridiculous.

So... I went and bought myself a case of Slim-Fasts.

And then my mother-in-law made cookies.


But on to other points of complaint. I hate making new friends. I mean, I'm a friendly person and I LOVE friends... but if you could read my mind, when I get into a crowd of people I don't know, what you would hear (see?) would be a running list of self-destruction.

-Her hair's so cute, mine isn't. She won't like me.
-She totally just looked past me. She must think I'm ugly.
-That lady is scowling in my direction, I'll bet she thinks my baby is too noisy.

The only saving grace for me in these times is other new people. So... luckily for me... the first Sunday here there were two other new girls at church. I managed to corner one of them. Her name is Heather and despite the fact that she is very skinny and her hair is fantastic and her eyes are bright (and not darkened underneath) and she clearly has no children trying to de-robe her in the middle of the chapel-- despite all those things, she talked to me. Maybe I'll manage to sit--scoot in--next to her during Sunday School next week, then maybe I can convince her to come over for dinner (always my best approach).

We'll drink Slim-Fasts together and chat about books. Okay... I'll drink a Slim-Fast and she can have real food and we'll hopefully talk books, since I don't actually know if she likes to read at all.


I'm sure I'll learn to love it here...  


Gr8Life said…
The 'pretty' thing. That is the one things I noticed about Utah for the 10 months I lived there and that no one looks to be over 30. And if they are they hide it really well. But I also noticed that driving down the interstate in Utah I saw a whole lot more signs for plastic surgery than I do here in Phoenix and we have a HUGE population of plastic surgeons here. But I haven't noticed that they advertise on Billboards as much as they do in the local magazines. So after I noticed that it made me wonder how many of them had work done? A few years ago when I lived in 'Surprise' (yes that is the name of the town it's west of Phoenix. I was really, really surprised to find out that many of the woman I went to church with had had plastic surgery (although on some of them I will admit it wasn't that surprising since they looked very out of proportion) I saw this quote that recently that I Loved
There comes a time when a woman needs to stop thinking about her looks and focus her energies on raising her children. This time comes at the moment of conception. A child needs a role model, not a supermodel. ~Astrid Alauda, on the "hot mom" trend

I think that quote says it well.
heather said…
The whole MUST LOOK LIKE A BARBIE thing is also kind of a Utah thing. I notice it in Mesa too. Also, I am convinced that 98% of the time the girl that LOOKS like she has it all together, actually isn't even close to having it all together & is especially insecure with herself.

Good luck.

Also, Erin from If You Give a Mom a Moment lives in your general area & I know she's nice!
Cannwin said…

When we lived in Tempe I remember the women at church talking about those "East Mesa Mormons" who get boob jobs. I thought they were all being a bit prejudiced but now... hmm, I wonder. :)

That being said, I am looking forward to being able to get into a really good dermatologist or plastic surgeon myself, but only for some seriously over active scars, not for my breasts. ;)
Cannwin said…
@heather Ralexwin didn't know what I meant when I said I wasn't sure if I wanted our girls growing up here (after I'd seen the fashion trends) but he also never seems to get the pressures a girl faces... I think it's a guy thing. ;)

The other thing I noticed is how hard it was to find a stupid caffeine free coke here. Ironic much?

And I really have to drink the C Free stuff because I'm a complete addict and it's better for everyone if I stay away.
K Lind said…
Glad to hear you made it to Utah safe and sound. Hope everyone gets feeling better. Hang in there!
Ashy said…
Moving across town was hard enough for me, trying to start all over making friends in a new ward... You'll get it soon! You're too awesome of a person to go unnoticed! I know I felt unnoticed for a while, but when Sister Beck came and talked to us here I remember her telling a story of a single mother of a bunch of children and she felt like she needed help and the ward pretty much shut her out- "We don't need another single mother in this ward." SO she started doing other things for other people instead, and I've been trying to reach out to others too. I don't know if this helps... We think of you often! Good luck :)
Cannwin said…
@Ashy You just brought me to tears... well almost tears... what a nice compliment. And you are right, I should not feel sorry for myself, but take this opportunity to be the lead in making friends. It just feels like the pickings are so slim around here.

I told Vicbowin that one trick to making a friend is to compliment people. If you are always the one saying the nice things and noticing things people will gravitate toward you. I suppose I need to stop being shy then, huh.


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