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The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly

The Good: I woke up this morning. I spent five minutes cuddled in my husbands arms. I can breath. I can see. I have relatively nice skin.

The Bad: We figured out why our toilet won't flush. Albowin confessed to flushing "the thing that holds the toilet paper." Ralexwin is now in the process of taking apart the toilet to get to it, which is NOT pretty.

The Ugly: I cannot begin to find words for the tantrum Vicbowin threw last night. To say that she has a temper is an understatement... it's more like she holds the key to Pandora's Box and whenever she gets overly tired she decides to peak inside.

It's horrible. It's a nightmare. It is usually directed entirely at me.

At approx. 10:30 PM last night she was informed that she would have to go downstairs to use the bathroom because Ralexwin was fixing the other one. She did not like this answer. She decided to start screaming.

She decided to go into her room and scream. The room where Remewin was fast asleep. I was asleep in the next room and woke to this incredible tirade. When I get involved in these things it's never pretty because I have to admit, no joking aside, it takes every ounce of self-control for me to deal with her when she is like this.

Let me reiterate--there are no words to explain how bad she gets when once she has started. She loses all control. ALL control. She says things she would never normally say, she screams and throws herself on you like a demon child. She jumps around and kicks and throws and says anything she can to get your reaction. It is U-G-L-Y and it can last up to an hour.

So last night she went on and on and on. Until her bladder finally got the best of her and she raced down the stares screaming about how horrible a mother I was.

I might add we have two people renting a room downstairs and this is 'their' bathroom and it was now around 11PM.

Vicbowin screamed the entire time she was on the toilet. She screamed when I told her to go back and flush the toilet. She screamed when I told her to go back and turn off the light. She screamed when I told her to go shut the door. Then she slammed it so I told her to go try again at which point... she screamed.

It was nearly midnight before she was calm enough to go back to sleep. My nerves were raw stumps, swollen and bleeding.

This morning when she woke up and remembered that she was now grounded for a week and a half she demanded to know from what. "Everything," was our response.

No friends, no books, and bedtime at 6PM. I tried to explain that if she needed some practice controlling herself and turning her lights out at the prescribed time. So she wasn't allowed to read in bed and she was required to go to bed early. I TRIED to tell her that, but she decided to start up again.

The screaming rose from our house anew. The door slamming, the threats, the insults. . .it was as if I'd been caught in the Twilight Zone. She screamed that it was my fault she had gone into her room to scream. She screamed that it was my fault her cereal was soggy now. She screamed that it was my fault her hair was a mess and my fault she couldn't find her boots.

I left her at the house to take her brother to school.

She swore that if I left her she wouldn't go to school. I'm surprised she didn't throw herself at me and try to physically hold me captive.

When I got back from dropping Albowin off Vicbowin wasn't in the house. My first thought was that she'd actually tried to run-away.

I was wrong. . . she had been in the backyard talking to the dog. When she came back up to the house she was calm and back to the beautiful girl I know and like (always love).

I'm terrified of having her for a teenager.


Claire Wessel said…
maybe she's getting it out of her system now and she'll be a lovely teenager. I was a good child and pretty much like your description (and then some) as a teenager. You may end up thankful later that she got it over with while she was still small enough to sit on.
Cari Hislop said…
These 'fits of rage' have been known to run in families and dregs up the possibility of an inherited physiological problem. As I know you and your husband don't have these rages and you don't spoil your children thereby encouraging them to act out to get their way, it's highly unlikely a learned behaviour, but genes as you know skip generations.

King John had this problem and several of his anticedents were known to suffer similar fits. These fits stand out because they're not remotely normal; it's very much a 'fit of rage' where the individual's colouring changes they loose all rational control and become dangerous to whoever they percieve to be the focus of their rage.

I wouldn't wait to see if this is a passing phase or if she kills you. I'd find a professional and see if they can diagnose a problem. There may be techniques to calm her before she explodes or medication that will help her to be able to control her internal emotional storms. There are also mental health issues which can develope in childhood. These rages could be symptoms of a developing problem. I wouldn't wait.
cannwin said…
I was thinking the same sorts of things that you were, Cari. As she was screaming at me I thought "this kid needs a psychiatrist" but convincing my husband of that is another thing. I would bet money that when I show him what you wrote he will roll his eyes and say something along the lines of 'it's always that.'

But since he's been married to me he seems to have come around a bit on the whole mental health stuff so I could be wrong and then I would lose all my money.
Cari Hislop said…
My gene pool is saddled with mental health problems which I like to think I escaped, though what other people think is another story! If I had kids I'd have to watch them from a very early age for certain signs...but that's my family! :)

If you're feeling it's not normal (and it doesn't sound normal)you could keep a diary of her rages and note dates, times of starting, words or situations that seem to set her long she rages, if she tries to attack someone, what she says, and what she remembers afterwards. She may not be able to remember much of what's happened! At least if you have detailed information you won't have to try to remember anything when you go to a specialist. And if your husband can see on paper the rages increasing in frequency or in length of time etc it might help him to see a pattern which would convince him the situation needed intervention.
cannwin said…
After reading your first post, Cari, I started digging around online and found this site that talked specifically about child rage. The woman who was writing said you should test your child by offering them cookies when they are raging. If they calm down and take the cookies it is a tantrum. If not seek further help.

I am going to try this the next time she loses it.

As for triggers, that ones easy... when she's tired.

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