Baby Mine

Yesterday, my beautiful little Remewin had a really bad day. Her little bum is bright red from a serial case of diaper rash and by late afternoon I finally just stuck in her the bath to clean her off.

She cried at the waters touch.

I felt so horribly bad for her. We have some prescription strength diaper cream but every time it seems to start working she seems to regress.

So after her bath I left her undiapered, wrapped her in some blankets and nursed her until she was drowsy. Then Ralexwin came in and we put the cream on her bum.

She immediately woke and started screaming.

I loved her and shooshed her and tried to nurse her pain away but nothing seemed to help. In complete despair she bit down on me hard (and repeatedly), causing me to screech rather loudly.

This only served to scare her and make her cry louder.

Then my mothering instincts seemed to just take over. In that moment, after she'd bitten me, when her face was contorted with pain and fear, I realized she just needed to feel safe. So I swaddled her, gave her a pacifier and rocked her like she was 3 months old.

My sweet baby just lay in my arms staring up at me, sucking on her paci. The world seemed easier for her then--if only for a few minutes.

Finally I put her in her crib, still swaddled up tight. Then I watched as she rolled her head to the side and fell asleep.

I love my little people. I hate that they grow up so fast.

Next week Remewin will be a year old.

Can you believe it's been a year!? I can't.

I feel as if I've missed it all, like I've spent the entire time staring at my computer screen instead of enjoying her growing up. That's not accurate, but it feels like it today.

I wish time would slow down and allow me more days with my children--as children. I like them the way they are and every time I blink they seem to be bigger and older.

Albowin must have gone through a growth spurt because lately he just seems so to be so much more boy than he was. And when Vicbowin pulls her hair to the side in a certain way I can see a young lady starting to peak out at me. The Mischievite is so tall people mistake him for a five year old.

Now there's Remewin, growing like a weed before my eyes. What am I going to do with myself when my babies get big?

I guess I could just go on having more and more until my body stops working, but even then they have to grow up at some point. I'd still be left alone with no babies around the house.

Maybe that's what grandchildren are for, to ease the pain of not having your own.

I don't know about that, but I do know that I don't want my Remewin to grow anymore. I want to hold her swaddled in my arms for the rest of eternity just like yesterday.