"Mom, would you rather be stabbed in the stomach or in the brain?"
"I don't know!"
"Come on Mom."
"Fine, umm... the stomach."
"Because if you're stabbed in the brain you're most likely to die or have some serious and lasting brain damage."
That satisfied Vicbowin just fine, but then Albowin popped in and his response broke my heart.
"I think I'd rather be stabbed in the brain." He said, matter of factly.
Wondering if he understood what brain damage meant, I asked "Why?"
"Because then I'd die and I want to die cause I don't like being alive."
It wasn't even as if he was trying to get attention. It was the simple truth and I nearly cried.
My baby boy is only 7 years old!
Some days he worries me so much that I think I'll be physically ill. Some nights I lay awake and wonder what I can possibly do to make things easier for him.
I feel like his only warrior in a world of people who only half care, or don't understand.
What part of the brain has to be malfunctioning for a 7 year old to spout suicidal thoughts?
I understand that he doesn't grasp the concept of death, but that doesn't excuse the words.
'I don't like being alive.'
I can't stand it. I want to scream at the powers that be and demand an answer or help or even just for another warrior to fight for him when I'm tired and emotional.
I worry so much about that little person that I've held and kissed and loved for so many long and wonderful years and I wonder what will happen to him if I can't find the help he needs soon.