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Oh Christmas Tree

After much wrangling with schedules my family all managed to be in the same room together (pre-bedtime) for more than an hour.

This gave us enough time to put up our Christmas tree and get in a much needed family picture.

We haven't had a family picture in a few years. We're not one of those families that's ever paid more than $50 for a photo shoot (although I always wish we would). So a family photo is a big deal for us and I was immensely pleased to only have to click the self-time twice to get this one.

It's nice that our kids are at an age where they can appreciate and understand when their mom says, "Smile!"

Do you ever look at family pictures of yourselves and think--'Wow. That's all mine.'

As I was tweaking this photo I kept thinking about all the Christmas cards we've received over the years with those big families we know and their cute children. I remember being the 'young family,' or the 'new family,' and never quite fitting in with that other group. Then I look at this photo and I think.... Wow, I'm there. I'm that family. That's all mine.

Each and everyone of these children was carried in my heart and my womb and is growing so fast I can scarcely keep up. Yet, I still feel as if I'm a 17 year old girl playing at a game of house. Its sometimes overwhelmingly surreal to think that all this responsibility is mine. It's a heady feeling.

I spent 18 years wanting to be a grown up, and in reality I've only spent 11 being one. I'm still trying to get used to it all. When I looked at this picture I realized that no one else can see that part of me. The world at large see's what I saw in all those other Christmas cards--a happy, growing family with responsible, funny, loving parents.

So I wonder, am I the only person in the world who sometimes sits back and thinks, 'I can't believe I'm married.' 'I can't believe this is all mine.' 'I can't believe those kids are all mine.' ??


Anonymous said…
You are absolutely not alone in this feeling. I can't believe I'm 31 and divorced with 2 kids. I feel very immature compared to some of my friends too--and maybe I am--but most of us are the same age and they seem so much more adult than me. I work and support myself and do everything I'm supposed to do, but there's this little part of me some days that's waiting for someone to say "Okay, we've got it from here."

And that's a great picture by the way. I never spend much on photo shoots either. The ones on my blog are from last near and I had a $9.99 coupon. :)
Cannwin said…
@nightowlang--But don't you just wish you could have one of those super cute family pictures against some old brick building...? Not that it'll ever happen, but it would be nice. :)

When Ralexwin was in Iraq I developed this absolute disdain for my own bedtime. The few hours I had between the kids bedtime and my own were my only hours to feel like a woman (not a mom) and I cherished them so much that I hated when they ended and I had to fall asleep. I craved, desperately, for someone to show up and say 'wow, you look like you need a break. why don't we take these munchkins off your hands for a few... years...'

It's nice to know when we aren't alone.
No you aren't. In fact, you worded very well some of my exact thoughts. :)
Lady Fromage said…
What a lovely picture, you've got a great looking family there! :)
Myya said…
I think those very same things! I also wonder how it all happened and why I didn't dwell in the moments a little longer while they were happening. Time surely goes too quickly. What a great picture, your family is beautiful! I also love that one of your sons is not wearing a shirt. This is so my middle one. She just decides she doesn't need clothes sometimes. It made me smile :)
Cannwin said…
@Myya Yeah, I thought to myself how wonderful the picture was and then ten minutes later I noticed his lack of shirt and grumbled. :) I hardly notice he's stripped down anymore.
Jennifer said…
That's so funny about the shirt. I didn't realize until I read the comment. It'll be great blackmail material when he's a teenager!
NatureGirl said…
Cute picture and just lovely thoughts. Merry Christmas!
Naomi said…
Love the family picture - I have moments like your all the time. I look at my kids and can't believe I had that many and can't believe they are all mine. Then I feel totally exhausted and blessed!

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