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To Wed

One of my dear, darling friends called me last night to announce that she was getting married.

After all the squealing was done I tried to come up with some marriage or wedding advice I could give her to help during this huge transition in her life.

I'm pretty sure at that point she didn't want to hear any 'advice' and really just wanted to glow for awhile. Well, today is the next day and she plans on having the wedding in August, so times a wasting.

Here are some of the pearls of wisdom I have for her.

On Weddings:

>No matter what anyone says it's your wedding so don't let them talk you into anything you don't want...and they will try.

>Find a photographer who will not only take the pictures but give you all the rights and copies to the pictures.

>Wear flats.

>When people try to talk you into renting your wedding dress remember two things, 1-You will NEVER wear it again (and probably not even fit into it in a year). 2- It's your day so buy it if you want.

>Don't change into something after the wedding. Allow your husband the privilege of taking off your dress for you. He deserves it.

>Make sure the cake tastes as good as it looks.

>Actually sit down and discuss divorce. Don't fool yourselves into thinking you're on the same page. Say it out loud and commit to your decision. It will help in the years to come.

On Marriage:

>Chuck the sarcasm now. There is nothing more damaging to a relationship than spitting out sarcastic remarks when you are angry. (Okay, there are probably worse things but this one's pretty dangerous.)

>Go to sleep mad. Whoever came up with the idea that you shouldn't must have had some great late night self-control. Besides, it's hard to stay ticked at someone when you wake up to find their arms wrapped around you.

>Avoid using sex as a weapon. Once you start down this path there is no going back. Make your love life a safe zone.

>Humor, humor, humor. If you can laugh in the middle of a fight your still on solid ground. 

>Fact: Only 50%-60% of marriages survive the first few years, if you get marriage counseling just before or just after you wed the odds for your marriage increase to 80%.

>Get in the habit of having a weekly companion inventory. Sit down together and discuss issues in a safe manner once a week. I hear it works wonders.

>Read a book together--out loud. It's the best activity Ralexwin and I have ever done together.

>Don't involve your families in your day to day arguments. What will happen is that the only thing they will ever hear is the negative things you have to say about each other. They won't get to see the I'm sorry's and you'll end up with family who only has bad images of your spouse.

>Keep a journal together. Especially in the first years when you won't be seeing a lot of one another (with school and work and what not) love letters are like the cherry on top of any relationship.

So.... what advice would you give a newly wed couple (or an engaged couple)? Come on, don't be shy, tell us what you think.

Comments

Polly Blevins said…
I agree on the going to bed angry comment you made.
Lisa said…
Wow. All that stuff I totally agree with! :) Thanks for the reminder!

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Who I Am #6

A moment when I achieved absolute happiness was...

One of the most wonderful philosophies of my religion is the concept of eternal familes, which is a sure knowledge that families are forever and can be together well beyond this life.
The first step towards this (besides baptism and such) is to be married for time and all eternity. This takes place within the walls of holy temples.
Unfortunately as life and choice go, Ralexwin and I made the decision to not start our marriage off this way. We were married in a church and the Bishop who performed the ceremony pronounced us husband and wife 'till death do us part.'
It was a bitter sweet moment for many members of my family. Knowing what I was missing out on.
Ralexwin and I at that time were not prepared spiritually for the further commitments of the gospel of Jesus Christ. We were young and unsure of our own faith and beliefs and therefore chose to put them aside.
Life went on.
We went to church as often as we could but were fairly cas…