The Great and Random Ramblings of Cannwin

We spent the weekend up on the 'Mountain' again this weekend.  Ralexwin is leaving for Texas and won't be home for 6 months (except maybe for a vacation). So we took the last weekend we had together and went up to see the views. This is one of those views. These are called 'The Fingers' and can be seen from several points on the family land. They are breathtaking to behold and often make me wish I were an explorer in a strange new world. I can probably come up with a million tiny stories every single time I see these monuments to God's talent, but my favorite story is the one about the boy who fell in love with a girl.  Like most boys, he promised her the world and, even though she knew how hard the world was to catch, she accepted. Life moved along, and the girl forgot about the promise of the boy. She was busy raising his children and cooking his dinners and kissing him goodbye more often than she liked. Then one day he drove h...

One of my dear, darling friends called me last night to announce that she was getting married. After all the squealing was done I tried to come up with some marriage or wedding advice I could give her to help during this huge transition in her life. I'm pretty sure at that point she didn't want to hear any 'advice' and really just wanted to glow for awhile. Well, today is the next day and she plans on having the wedding in August, so times a wasting. Here are some of the pearls of wisdom I have for her. On Weddings: >No matter what anyone says it's your wedding so don't let them talk you into anything you don't want...and they will try. >Find a photographer who will not only take the pictures but give you all the rights and copies to the pictures. >Wear flats. >When people try to talk you into renting your wedding dress remember two things, 1-You will NEVER wear it again (and probably not even fit into it in a year). 2- It's your day...

Two weeks ago a friend of mine accompanied me up to the airport to pick up my mom, who was visiting. Things went well. My mom got off of the plane at precisely when she was suppose to and the luggage hit the conveyer belt moments later. We laughed and smiled and enjoyed the thrill of the coming holidays. Then my mom wandered off to find her luggage and my friend innocently exclaimed, "Oh, look! How sweet." I looked and wished that I hadn't. I looked and found myself face to face with my past. Standing near us was a young mother--two kids in tow--clinging to her soldier. Clearly this man had just gotten off of the plane and clearly they hadn't seen each other in a while. The toddler clung to his dad's leg while the wife clung to her husband's--none of them aware of my stunned gawking of this intimate reunion. It was like being sucker punched by a Sumo wrestler. I stood there not knowing how to react and instead just gasped at the pain. I became that...

via I was taking my doddling kiddo's to school today when I spotted a couple of teens walking down the street toward the high school. They weren't kissing, they weren't even holding hands, they were just enjoying each others company. As they walked the guy bent his head down a little to listen intently to what she had to say, then his face lit up and he smiled happily. It was a very sweet image that got me thinking about my own children. Well, about life in general, but about how I love to hear stories about first kisses and first loves. I wondered to myself if I would ever know about my daughters first kiss. As the mom, I'm not on the top of her list of people to regale that story to, and that makes me sad. When I was a teen I wouldn't have told my mom any of that to save my life. In fact I hid it from my mom. I doubt she knows now that my first kiss was when I was 15 and that I thought it was the grossest thing in the world. Further more, I know nothin...

Chat between Ralexwin and me, 2010: ralexwin : Cannwin, Look on ebay there is two kirby 's there for only like $350 dollars. What do you think? Bidding ends in like two hours. me : I am not buying a kirby in two hours that is way to spontaneous ralexwin : With shampoo-er and everything else. Well it might get bidded up the closer it come s to selling but I am serious. I was pretty impressed with my Mom's Kirby why not. me : because we need to think it through that's why! and how big and unmanageable are they? ralexwin : if you want performance you aren't going to get it with a fisher price version. me : are you being sarcastic? fisher price is a kids toy brand, honey ralexwin : I know but they are cheap! unlike Tonka that lasts forever me : sarcasm is forbidden Ralexwin. if you think it's worth it, but I'm sure spontaneity will breed regret. ralexwin : That has the sound of sagely advice but I don't think it is spontaneity. We have talked about [get...

My journal June 10, 2007: "Ralexwin's dad died last night, sometime around midnight. ... Naturally I am sad, but it's still sinking in. When I woke this morning to the sounds of the Mischievite's cries I smiled and laughed and loved him and fed him. Then I remembered [all that had happened last night] and the sadness hit, washing away my happiness. ... We've never dealt with something like this before and I don't know how Ralexwin will handle it, nor do I entirely know how to care for him in grief. I do know Ralexwin needs me to be strong, efficient and in control right now. That always seems to be the role I get [but I don't mind]." Sometimes marriage is a strange, surreal sort of existence. You spend the first half of your life dreaming about being married and having children and the second half trying to come to accept that you aren't dreaming anymore. Experiences that you only prepared for in passing soon become distant memories recorded...

My journal February 20, 2005: "Ralexwin should be home on the 26th. I am starting to get excited, but I don't think it will really hit me until her leaves Kuwait, which will be tomorrow night (my time). Vicbowin is so excited about him coming home, she keeps telling everyone. 'My daddy's coming home from war and I'm gonna marry him.'" While Ralexwin was in Iraq my neighbor gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. When I first met this little creation of God I was enamored. His chubby little cheeks and angelic blond hair seemed to flick a switch inside my body and I suddenly became aware of an overwhelming, inescapable urge to get pregnant. As you can guess, I was incapable of putting myself into such a state and had to satisfy the burning desire with tending the sweet little boy as often as I could. By the time Ralexwin returned I was being incinerated by my bodies desire to multiply and replenish the Earth. Except there was this one slight hiccup...

Letter from Ralexwin to me mid-summer 2004: "I've been talking to some guys who are just getting back from leave and it sounds like the Army will fly me anywhere I want to go. [How about Alaska?]. There is nothing appealing in going to St. George for leave, it's hot, desert and nobody will be there. Hmmm, kind of sounds like--let me think-- I know it sounds familiar... something like IRAQ!!! And then there is Phoenix, what is there appealing about Phoenix? Let me think--hot, dry, desert... I'm starting to see a pattern here. Alaska sounds so majestic and paradisaical that I can almost taste the crisp clean cool air just thinking about it." By July of 2004 Ralexwin and I had been apart for a year. This is somewhat confusing to explain because of all the military lingo involved. To help get a better picture, the time line was something like this: August of 2003 Ralexwin leaves for Missouri for some military training he was in need of. November 2003 Ralex...

Entry of mine in 'Our' Journal-- June 18, 2002: "Idaho, where I am now, is green and there are clouds... two things Phoenix hasn't seen the likes of in quite a while. I am here for a bit to try to quench the loneliness of having Ralexwin gone. But not for too long since I am pregnant and will need to return to see my doctor. I am a little bored, but Vicbowin is managing to keep herself occupied at my mother's house. I want to write to Ralexwin... if I keep writing then he'll know all about the cute things Vicbowin is doing or what I'm doing. He'd get to smell the fresh air and see the dark storm clouds moving in and he could sleep next to me. It's not so hard though, I am not dwelling on his absence and seem to be handling it well." Our love story has always been, and probably always will be, filled with absences. Some are long stretches spanning over weeks and months (and sometimes years) others are only a day or two, but either way Ral...

 Entry of mine in 'Our' Journal--November 4, 2000: "Last night I was trying to go to sleep and I thought about our money. I thought of how I didn't think we were doing very well compared to when i was in St. George. Then I realized my money stress isn't so bad because we both have jobs and incomes and we are doing fine! What's the worst thing that can happen? I have all I need. I have you and no matter if we are dirt poor or not I have you and that is the most important thing to me." The phone rang at 4 AM and Ralexwin reached over to pick it up. I listened quietly to the single syllable conversation going on beside me. "Okay, thanks." He said as he put the phone down and headed for the closet. I rolled over and dozed until Ralexwin kissed me goodbye for the day. After the front door shut behind him I allowed myself the luxury of REM. The phone yanked me out of oblivion an hour or so later. "Hello?" I mumbled, thinking it ...

 Letter from Ralexwin to Me--September 2000:  "I love you. I want you to know that I love you with all my heart and I want you to be happy.  I think that I hurt when I feel your hurt and sometimes I feel like I have to do something to make up for it. I can teach you to dance but you have to hear the music." The night before my wedding was, for lack of a better word, surreal. My sisters, my mom and myself all shared a hotel room together and talked about silly things. I was informed that in order to have my hair stay in place the next day I should not wash it that night. This notion completely disgusted me and I reeled at the idea of having Ralexwin stroking my greasy hair, but I relented. That night, as I took a nice, hot bath, I shaved my legs and avoided washing my hair. Then I went and climbed into my bed feeling nearly the same as I felt the night before I had left for my first overseas trip. All the waiting was over and I drifted off to sleep. I was pretty c...

Song I transcribed into a letter to Ralexwin Summer of 2000: I want you to need me Like the air you breathe I want you to feel me In everything I want you to see me In your every dream The way that I taste you feel you breathe you need you I want you to need me Like I need you More than you could know And I need you To never never let me go And I need to be deep inside your heart I just want to be everywhere you are.... (Celine Dion: I Want You To Need Me) Our wedding day was set for one month after our fateful conversation. Looking back on it I think that if it were my daughter I would probably behave in the same manner my family did. They were shocked, confused, and tried more than once to get me to slow the whole thing down. I was determined. I was afraid that if I changed the date Ralexwin would back out. Why would I think such a thing? Well, there was this one time... a few months before... that Ralexwin and I had discussed eloping. We joked a lot about it, ac...

Letter from Ralexwin to me--August 2000: "My dear damsel of constant distress. I hope this epistle might find you in a bright mood of sunshine and flowers. Our love is as the turbulent sea in a mighty wind with crests of love and happiness that take us meters above the surface of mediocrity to the troughs of bitterness, and loneliness and sometimes almost hate. . . I have [only ever wanted to be a man] strong in testimony and faith of the simple truths of the gospel of Christ. And by me I see a woman equally alive. Physically strong, mentally awake, and morally straight. Whose eyes burn with an inner strength of conviction and courage. A woman rugged, who can withstand the trials of the pioneers but refined enough to dine with queens. . . Let's try again. I think you are sick of trying but I can't give up the right. Please don't be mad at me." Ralexwin and I began seeing each other around October 1999. It was all very hush-hush and Ralexwin made a good displ...

Journal Entry February 1, 2000: --- I'm in love. It's not like anything I've ever known. I want to marry him. I want to be with him for all eternity. I would follow him anywhere and that's that. I love him and I want no one else... My roommates are placing bets on how long it is until we get married. --- The Meeting: When it came time to decide which college I should go to I had my heart set on a small town Junior College called Snow . However, my brother and sister-in-law nagged me about making such an 'uninformed' decision and convinced me to go to a College Fair with a friend of mine .  I condescended to go but made a bee-line for the Snow College table barely glancing at any of the others. Set up next to the table of choice was another, brighter, table for a school I had never heard of. The guy was friendly and explained that Dixie College (as it was called then) was located at the very South-West tip of Utah. To say that my feelings in that ...

NOT found yesterday. Yesterday was one of those days. One of those tiring, messy, hot, aching, emotional, hormonal days where at the end you fall onto your bed and are out before you can manage to turn off a light (that would be at 7PM for me last night). Today I am determined to have a better one. Except I can't remember what I was going to blog about so I am going to have to wing it once again. One of the things that happened yesterday is that my floor mirror , that I have been 'making' for the last 4 months broke. It's my own darn fault and I could shoot myself for the waste of it. See, what happened is I finally found some wood to put on the back of the thing and frame it, so after the kids went to bed I immediately took the opportunity to liquid nail the mirror onto the wood. I set the mirror face down on the floor and then stood up to grab the screw driver. That's when I lost my balance. My foot instinctively shot out to catch myself... and I st...

ood morning! It is a rainy 8:30 AM here in the great state of South Dakota. The kids are up and starting their chores, I am showered and ready for the day and breakfast is on the stove. What a wonderful start to a day! Even if it is Friday the 13th. This morning Ralexwin informed me that he has already bought my birthday present AND my anniversary present (both of which are next month). So now I have a problem.... I don't know what to get him. Even worse, it's our tenth anniversary. I need something creative, fun and special. Here are some of the things that haven't worked in the past: *clothes--he's pickier than I am *shoes--traded them to his brother for a pellet gun *ties and socks--so NOT fun *$300 watches--ungrateful little !&#$--  ;) *electric razor's *coats--he got four coats for christmas that year... he gave mine away *iPod--never uses it So I need some serious help here. What do you get a man for a present!? I'm dying here! Some sug...

Last night Ralexwin and I took some time to make a list of things to do together sans kids. We sat down and quickly brainstormed idea's, then went through and nixed the things that one or the other wasn't willing to do.   Here's our pre-nixing list. (Ralexwin is red, I'm black) Note: We got into a bit of an 'argument' between 21-24. 1. Dancing 2. Learn a new recipe 3. Go for walks 4. Read a book 5. Watch a movie 6. Re purpose something (furniture-ish) 7. Weed the garden 8. Lie on a blanket under the stars 9. Candle-lit dinner 10. Write a letter to someone together 11. Play Starcraft 12. Take $10 each and buy a gift for each other in the same store without being caught. 13. Go out to dinner 14. Clean out a closet 15. Make a time capsule 16. Make a quilt 17. Memorize scriptures 18. Make a photographic alphabet 19. Give each other back massages 20. Have a conversation only on paper 21. Read poetry 22. Learn book-binding 23. Learn Chinese 24. Clean ...

Ralexwin is off to train his fellow soldiers how to be better warriors. And of course as he was leaving something happened that I'll have to deal with on my own. That's always the way it works. When he was in Iraq our condo in Phoenix flooded (I was gone to Idaho). So while he sat there all cozy in the desert, I had to remodel our condo. This time it's a tree in our back yard blown over last night in a storm. ::sigh:: But that's okay. It's the sort of thing us soldier's wives have to deal with in order to see our men in uniforms. Which is a definite perk. Abigail Adams once said " I would not only have submitted to the absence I have endured, painful as it has been; but would not have opposed it, even tho 3 years more should be added to the Number... I feel a pleasure in being able to sacrifice my selfish passions to the general good." I couldn't have said it better myself. Besides, I have a list of chick flicks I wan...

Happy Birthday to the best and greatest man I've ever known in my life. I can't believe it's been ten years since I met you! I love you.