"I love you. I want you to know that I love you with all my heart and I want you to be happy. I think that I hurt when I feel your hurt and sometimes I feel like I have to do something to make up for it. I can teach you to dance but you have to hear the music."The night before my wedding was, for lack of a better word, surreal. My sisters, my mom and myself all shared a hotel room together and talked about silly things.
I was informed that in order to have my hair stay in place the next day I should not wash it that night. This notion completely disgusted me and I reeled at the idea of having Ralexwin stroking my greasy hair, but I relented.
That night, as I took a nice, hot bath, I shaved my legs and avoided washing my hair. Then I went and climbed into my bed feeling nearly the same as I felt the night before I had left for my first overseas trip.
All the waiting was over and I drifted off to sleep.
I was pretty calm throughout the next morning. While my loved ones raced around me trying to get things done I smiled and repeatedly said "It doesn't matter if I'm late or not, because they can't start without me."
It didn't cross my mind that Ralexwin might not appreciate my tardiness. Ralexwin knew that I loved him, he knew that he was the bulls-eye I was aimed at. I imagine that there was no uncertainty about my arrival that day, because I had made my feelings fairly clear already.
The wedding itself was a very small affair. With the most expensive thing there being my $400 wedding dress (with pockets!).
The only thing that I had nerves about was walking past Ralexwin's roommates. We had never really gotten along, them and I, and having them at the wedding made the uncertain, insecure girl in me come out full force. I wished dreadfully that they were not there, but there was nothing for it except to ignore their very existence until I absolutely had to (it's worth noting that now they treat me as if we've been life long friends).
Some of the more humorous bits of our wedding day:
*I wore Skechers under my dress that Ralexwin's grandmother informed me were 'tacky.'
*Ralexwin forgot his tuxedo at his brothers house an hour from where we got married. (It arrived in the nick of time)
*My brother walked in on me putting my wedding dress on.
*My wedding announcements directed everyone to our clergyman's house instead of the church.
*I accidentally had the wedding without my dearly beloved sister-in-law who had gone to put up signs on our clergyman's lawn.
*I put Ralexwin's wedding ring on the wrong hand. (He totally handed me his right hand!!!)
*When we realized what I'd done (at the reception) we had to use soap to get the ring off.
*Ralexwin's little brother (who endured the long drive) told us that our kiss was 'awkward.' To which I responded 'you try kissing someone in front of 50 people sometime and see how well you do.'
The thing about wedding days is that they are just that... a day. My life with Ralexwin is so much more than those few minutes that it seems a mere formality in the passing of the years. Yet, I know that with those promises that we made, Ralexwin truly committed himself to me, whether he was ready or not. He made the decision to marry me and together we chose that for better or worse we would be bound to each other from then on.
If there is one quality that I admire most about the man I married it is his absolute dedication to whatever path he chooses. For me and my children it has meant a life filled with love and nurture, because on that day so many years ago, that's what he promised he would do.