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Yesterday was one of the worst days I have ever had in my life. As if someone had cut open my soul and layed bare my most secret hurts for the entire world to see.

I have never in my entire life felt such humiliation, rage and hatred as I did yesterday. When I tried to get to where Ralexwin was, I was so completely incapacitated by my emotions that I literally crumbled onto the steps below me.

And in those dark moments, on such a dark day, I realized clearly one thing. I miss South Dakota so much that I can feel it in my bones. I miss my house and my yard and my stupid driveway with it's stupid mud pits. I miss the fireflies and the humidity and the stupid mosquitos. I miss the biting cold and the freezing rain and the stupid snow days. I miss my sweet friends who love me and my neighbors who watch out for me and even the stupid angry man that yelled at me on my front porch.

I miss it all so much that I can't even bear to think about it.

So as I lay there on the stairs and sobbed into my husbands arms I could only say one thing... 'I want to go home.'

And I do... I really, truly do.

Comments

Gr8Life said…
For about 4 days my husband I talked about moving because in many ways it makes sense for us & would stabilize our finances better. But in the end we decided to be more aggressive in other ways so we don't have to. But the big reason for me not to move was because I have 2 disabled children & I don't live near my family and the only people I can hope to have help me & that I can lean on are the people I already know. I very rarely ask for help but at least I live where I know if I actually did ask for help some of the people I know will actually help me.
I know our situations are different but I totally understand the comfort of having people that have been kind & helpful to you and wanting to be near them. Especially when your husband is not nearby. Having your husband with you can make such a huge difference when it comes to being in a less than perfect situation. I'm sorry he can't be. Hugs to you♥

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.
~Helen Keller
heather said…
If it helps... I think I mentioned to you before... I absolutely HATED living in Utah for the first 6 months. I hated it. No one talked to me at church. People were friendly but I had no friends. I made multiple attempts that came to nothing, and I cried and cried for my completely amazing, best ward ever, best friends ever back in Arizona. Then one day I had a new set of visiting teachers, who actually finally came, and they said, "Don't you just love this ward?" And I flat out said, "No. I don't. In fact it's the first time in my life that my personal testimony is the only thing that gets me there every week." Their jaws were dropped & then they made an effort, which I grudgingly accepted (because really? now you invite me to sit with you after 6 months of not even knowing i exsisted? nice.) and then Utah ended up being a place that I will love forever & one of the happiest times of my life. So, hang in there. It'll get better.
Amy said…
(((Hugs))) I know that feeling. I'm sorry.
Anonymous said…
Can I be your friend? Pretty please :)

mandi
Cannwin said…
@Anonymous

Hmm... well, okay since you said please. :D

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