April 11, 2012

Just Get Up And Pee

I tried living for the day, then for the moment, now I'm down to live in the minute.

This morning I woke up and layed there feeling the overwhelming hollowness that seems to have become a part of who I am.

My alarm clock went off the babies stirred in the bed next to me and I knew I had to get up... But I couldn't manage to do it.

I thought about my new motto: "I am a Phoenix, I was made for the fire."

It stirred something small in me but not enough to get me moving.

Then I remembered my friend telling me just take it minute by minute.

"Okay" I said to myself, "What do I need in this minute?"

Self answered, "You need to pee."

"Okay," I said to myself, "You can do that. Just get up and pee."

And now I'm at school. I guess it worked. My minute melded into an hour my hour merged into a day and here I am.

I even have a smile tickling the back of my lips.

That's good I suppose.

8 comments:

Ashy said...

That's a really good idea, living for the minute. I'll have to try that this next semester. You're so smart! :)

Lisa said...

I loved this post.

I think will forever start using your "what do I need this minute?" tactic.

This may have forever helped me.

Thank you.

Mrs. Miniver said...

It makes me sad that you feel hollow. I have felt that way before and it's so hard...such deep sadness. I wish I knew how to to take even a portion of other people's pain. It seems more fair to share the burden all around than to have one person hurt so much.

You'll get through this one step at a time, one smile at a time, one hug...one laugh. Hugs to you Charity.

Mrs. Miniver said...

It makes me sad that you feel hollow. I have felt that way before and it's so hard...such deep sadness. I wish I knew how to to take even a portion of other people's pain. It seems more fair to share the burden all around than to have one person hurt so much.

You'll get through this one step at a time, one smile at a time, one hug...one laugh. Hugs to you Charity.

Meaghan said...

Way to be Cannwin!! Love you! Minute by minute! :D

Evelyn @ Hanging by a Silver Lining said...

Hang in there Cannwin. You will conquer this. With flying colors.

Rosie said...

Oh, you wrote this so well! I felt it, too. Ditto what Mrs. Miniver said...hang in there, dear friend.

This reminded me of the morning after my Grandfather (who raised me like a daddy)passed away in Sept 2010. I had cried all night, I got up, got the kids off to school and planned to lay in bed and try to sleep thru the sadness and remember to breathe. I laid down, and clear as a bell, I felt my grandfather's voice say, "Get up and do what needs to be done." I knew I wasn't honoring him by laying down or neglecting my kids, so I took a deep breath, wiped my eyes and started doing one little thing at a time. This post reminded me of that week and I am so sorry you have to feel this grief. I am sorry for all of it, but proud of you for doing it all. And almost smiling, too ;)

Jamie said...

That was me, btw...I always seem to comment on someone else's login. Sounds like ur starting to breathe...yay, that. Xo.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
-Marianne Williamson

We are women of a God who delights in his daughters feeling beautiful and adored. Whatever that is to you personally, don't let it go undone. It is in you safe and warm and no one can take that away from you...no one. --Nie Nie