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Monday Morning

I ought to be writing an essay on Wassily Kandinsky's composition VII, but I'm not.

I'm here instead feeling guilty for forsaking you. I have been very bad at keeping up with you guys.

Its truly because I think to myself... what am I supposed to say?!

Monday--"Today I woke up and wished beyond all reason that I could just lay in bed and cry instead."

Tuesday--"Today I woke up and wished beyond all reason that I could just lay in bed and cry instead."

Wednesday--"Today I woke up and wished beyond all reason that I could just lay in bed and cry instead."

Not very fun for anyone and not healthy for me.

So I have to come up with some other things to talk about.

I just can't really come up with anything.

I have dropped down to between a size 6 and 8. This is a very big deal since I have not been so small since I've been married. It's very exciting. :)

Other notable happy things in my life-- I have finished a desk I was working on for months and months and months, but since I'm on the computer at school I cannot show it to you!!! (no photos here)

My semester is almost over. I have survived. I am nearly finished with the hardest academic semester of my life. Not because the work was hard but because I made it through. I thought about quitting.... truly truly I did. But a friend of mine told me that the worst mistake she made during her divorce was to quit school.

So I didn't. I may have B's and C's but I am nearly done and that is good. This summer I will take some more classes and I'm already registered for the fall.

I will keep moving forward because there is no other option.

But I'm struggling to find the light at the end of the tunnel. So instead of trying to find it I have taken a quote to heart:

"Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light."
-Dylan Thomas

So I will rage until I burn myself out or the light returns to me. It seems the best option at this point. Buckle down and remember that I am strong. I am tough. I am a Phoenix, and I was born for the fire.

I have not forgotten you guys at all either.


Comments

Claire Wessel said…
I'm so glad you updated. I was about to start harassing you again :) I miss you very much, and I don't need you to be perky if you aren't feeling that way! I'm so glad you toughed it out in school and that it worked out! I think it is interesting that you are clinging to a random bit of literature to make it through. I did the same thing with the poem Invictus. I post it at least once a year to force it on others. Of course, it's really only known as Timothy McVeigh's last words...which sorta sucks for me :P It's the ultimate in "keep your head up" poetry. I love you soooooooooooooooo much!!!
Claire Wessel said…
I'm so glad you updated. I was about to start harassing you again :) I miss you very much, and I don't need you to be perky if you aren't feeling that way! I'm so glad you toughed it out in school and that it worked out! I think it is interesting that you are clinging to a random bit of literature to make it through. I did the same thing with the poem Invictus. I post it at least once a year to force it on others. Of course, it's really only known as Timothy McVeigh's last words...which sorta sucks for me :P It's the ultimate in "keep your head up" poetry. I love you soooooooooooooooo much!!!
Ashy said…
Hooray for doing well in school! :) And that is a really cool quote. I'll have to ponder that one for a while. I'm glad to hear that you're hanging in there. We're always thinking of you over here in Rexy!
Rob-bear said…
And we haven't forgotten you.

Bear has gone back to work, and is getting tired on a daily basis. It's been a few years since I've had a job. I'm supposed to be retired, but, well, circumstances have changed, and I'm back to work. For a short time. I think.

I love your motto about you being Phoenix. Makes for a fiery Cannwin! Good for you about not quitting school.
Tracie said…
Just remember that when you look back and see one set of foot prints in the sand that those are the times he carried you through
Cari Hislop said…
You could share the essay on Kandinsky! I'm assuming this is a painting you're supposed to be writing about? Whichever Kandinsky, you are a great writer! You don't have to share your thoughts...share your writing!!!

If you don't have the energy to write...if your phone has a voice memo option...wake up in the morning and rant to the machine...whatever comes to mind just say it even if it's a string of swear words. Just get that whirl-wind out of your head. I've started making these verbal diary notes about my dreams and other morning thoughts and I find them mentally refreshing.

You are in my thoughts!!! I am SO proud of you for marching on through the fire. Make sure you eat three healthy meals a day and find a good multi-vitamin. Avoid depressed people like the plague and allow yourself to have some fun.
I dare you to listen to upbeat music and dance through campus!!!
(If anyone ask what you're doing you can tell them you're devising a new style of dance).
You are a Phoenix and an amazing one at that. School alone. whew! Way to go Cannwin!

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