Monday Morning
I ought to be writing an essay on Wassily Kandinsky's composition VII, but I'm not.
I'm here instead feeling guilty for forsaking you. I have been very bad at keeping up with you guys.
Its truly because I think to myself... what am I supposed to say?!
Monday--"Today I woke up and wished beyond all reason that I could just lay in bed and cry instead."
Tuesday--"Today I woke up and wished beyond all reason that I could just lay in bed and cry instead."
Wednesday--"Today I woke up and wished beyond all reason that I could just lay in bed and cry instead."
Not very fun for anyone and not healthy for me.
So I have to come up with some other things to talk about.
I just can't really come up with anything.
I have dropped down to between a size 6 and 8. This is a very big deal since I have not been so small since I've been married. It's very exciting. :)
Other notable happy things in my life-- I have finished a desk I was working on for months and months and months, but since I'm on the computer at school I cannot show it to you!!! (no photos here)
My semester is almost over. I have survived. I am nearly finished with the hardest academic semester of my life. Not because the work was hard but because I made it through. I thought about quitting.... truly truly I did. But a friend of mine told me that the worst mistake she made during her divorce was to quit school.
So I didn't. I may have B's and C's but I am nearly done and that is good. This summer I will take some more classes and I'm already registered for the fall.
I will keep moving forward because there is no other option.
But I'm struggling to find the light at the end of the tunnel. So instead of trying to find it I have taken a quote to heart:
I'm here instead feeling guilty for forsaking you. I have been very bad at keeping up with you guys.
Its truly because I think to myself... what am I supposed to say?!
Monday--"Today I woke up and wished beyond all reason that I could just lay in bed and cry instead."
Tuesday--"Today I woke up and wished beyond all reason that I could just lay in bed and cry instead."
Wednesday--"Today I woke up and wished beyond all reason that I could just lay in bed and cry instead."
Not very fun for anyone and not healthy for me.
So I have to come up with some other things to talk about.
I just can't really come up with anything.
I have dropped down to between a size 6 and 8. This is a very big deal since I have not been so small since I've been married. It's very exciting. :)
Other notable happy things in my life-- I have finished a desk I was working on for months and months and months, but since I'm on the computer at school I cannot show it to you!!! (no photos here)
My semester is almost over. I have survived. I am nearly finished with the hardest academic semester of my life. Not because the work was hard but because I made it through. I thought about quitting.... truly truly I did. But a friend of mine told me that the worst mistake she made during her divorce was to quit school.
So I didn't. I may have B's and C's but I am nearly done and that is good. This summer I will take some more classes and I'm already registered for the fall.
I will keep moving forward because there is no other option.
But I'm struggling to find the light at the end of the tunnel. So instead of trying to find it I have taken a quote to heart:
"Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light."
-Dylan Thomas
So I will rage until I burn myself out or the light returns to me. It seems the best option at this point. Buckle down and remember that I am strong. I am tough. I am a Phoenix, and I was born for the fire.
I have not forgotten you guys at all either.
Comments
Bear has gone back to work, and is getting tired on a daily basis. It's been a few years since I've had a job. I'm supposed to be retired, but, well, circumstances have changed, and I'm back to work. For a short time. I think.
I love your motto about you being Phoenix. Makes for a fiery Cannwin! Good for you about not quitting school.
If you don't have the energy to write...if your phone has a voice memo option...wake up in the morning and rant to the machine...whatever comes to mind just say it even if it's a string of swear words. Just get that whirl-wind out of your head. I've started making these verbal diary notes about my dreams and other morning thoughts and I find them mentally refreshing.
You are in my thoughts!!! I am SO proud of you for marching on through the fire. Make sure you eat three healthy meals a day and find a good multi-vitamin. Avoid depressed people like the plague and allow yourself to have some fun.
I dare you to listen to upbeat music and dance through campus!!!
(If anyone ask what you're doing you can tell them you're devising a new style of dance).