The Great and Random Ramblings of Cannwin

I am currently having what some people would call a 'crisis of faith.' Which actually translates into I haven't been to church in 7 months and I'm perfectly happy with that. My faith in God has not changed or lessened in any way. My faith in my church has definitely hit a road block. Now here's the clincher. It's always really bugged me when people stopped going to church because someone offends them. Really? Is that as far as your devotion and faith goes? Yet I have found it so incredibly easy to lay the blame on others for my own inactivity in my religion. I could blame the horrible rumors that I KNOW are out there about me (I've heard them, it's not me just being paranoid). I could blame the teachers at church who I completely disagreed with even before my separation and subsequent divorce. I could blame those few extremely close people who utterly back stabbed me and left me to fend for myself in a most un-friendly, un-christli...

Yesterday I saw this tutorial on how to do your hair in a bun using a sock. It looked pretty easy, so I thought "Hey, I want to try that!" Well, it didn't go so well--which shouldn't surprise me. I once had this piano teacher that told me I had a natural ability. I think he was wrong, because my fingers are like fat, frozen sausages... all numb and chubby. Or maybe it's just my stupid hair. Stubborn and straight and too thick for it's own good. Here's some pathetic attempts at making myself look incredible. Hair styles via hairromance.com and writeitinlipstick.blogspot.com I just can't do it! I am a 30 year old woman with no knack for doing my own hair. It's too bad I can't just stick with doing little girls hair... I seem to be able to manage that.

I've been slowly acquiring some new, nice clothes (one clearance sale at a time) and I must say I'd forgotten how much of a difference nice clothes can make. It's been quite a while since I spent any time in a clothing store (for myself) and most of my 'law school' wardrobe has come from Wal-Mart. But not lately and it seems to have made a difference. I feel so much more feminine when I like what I wear. I feel like putting on some light lipstick and doing my hair a bit. I've been really amazed at how refreshing it's been to feel pretty --even in a pair of sweat pants or a hoodie. Also it's nice not to have to dig through my drawers and grumble every single morning. I can just grab and know that whatever I pick will look nice, without alteration. I think I've learned a great lesson about myself and perhaps about looking nice in general. Looking pretty takes keeping up with your wardrobe. On that note, today Remewin has her 18 month old Dr....

Originally these posts were supposed to be a way of me to show you that I'm a normal person, with failings and problems and imperfections. But sometimes that's a bit exhausting to come up with a failing of my own once a week (I can't imagine why). So today I'm going to give you a few more things about myself... oddities that make me who I am. I think I'll intersperse these with my failings so as to save my precious ego. Ready? 1. I can't stand yams, but I'm not sure I've ever eaten them. 2. The color combination of red and black always makes me think of Native Americans. 3. I totally connect with Belle (in Beauty and the Beast) up until she falls in love with an animal. 4. I hate glitter so much it might be slightly OCD. 5. I think Cumin smells like sweat, and yet it's one of my favorite spices. 6. I eat cake, graham cackers, or pie in a bowl with milk poured over it. 7. I've never set foot in California. 9. I like eating cherr...

 Conversation between Vicbowin and me as she leaves for school: "Have a good day! I love you baby girl." I wave at her retreating bicycle. "Love you too Mom." She hollers back. "Be safe, and don't talk to anyone." "I know." Her voice is controlled patience. "And don't get in anybodies car, no matter what they say!" I shout at the last minute... just in case. " Moooooom! " Her patience is lost and she mutters imprecations under her breath. She hates it when I talk like that. The truth of the matter is I'm terrified I'll never see my children again and I have good reason, when I was thirteen I knew a girl who was kidnapped and murdered. There... I said it and now you know. It's not really one of those things I dwell on, but as the children get closer and closer to her age I can't help but pray that they will never meet her fate. Her name was Jeralee Underwood and I had known her family my ent...

When I get bored I take pictures.... .... .... of me. It's really just a matter of trying to get the best picture I can. One without a frown, without squinty eyes, without a double chin, and without a cheesy smile. It's sort of a game for me. Except the outcome is that I have a lot of pictures of myself on my computer--like some sort of narcissist. Ralexwin teases me about this sometimes. Vicbowin rolls her eyes (and then borrows the camera). But I can't help myself. When I've posted all my blogs, done all my chores, read all the pages I can read in a day and taken that nap I sometimes take, I inevitably end up pitting myself against the camera. The sad part is that the camera usually wins. It's shameful I know. What sort of grown woman spends her time playing with a camera?! Well, me actually. I'm just glad technology has advanced enough to encompass digital cameras... the price of all that wasted film was getting a little out of hand. What do ...

Today I made my children ride their bikes to school. It's currently 28*F. Today I left the gate to the stairs open when I went down and Remewin fell down them... all the way down them. Today I woke up to discover that the Mischievite had gone #2 and not wiped, I considered not caring. Today I told Albowin that I didn't care if his brother called him 'a girl,' what I cared about was that he wasn't getting dressed. I'm not sure when the last time Remewin had a bath was. I made my kids wear the same pants to school today for the third day in a row. Yesterday the Mischievite spent 90% of his day watching movies, while I played board games with our local missionaries. I don't have a pumpkin, or candy, or finished costumes for any of the kids. The Mischievite took scissors to Remewin's almost done Halloween costume and I yelled at him and made him cry. Today I considered calling Ralexwin and yelling at him for not folding laundry (I didn'...

I have a friend who seems to have dropped off the planet recently. Last night as I was thinking about her I mused in my mind... I wonder if she is dead and that's why she hasn't blogged lately. Then I was reminded of my own blog and I thought to myself 'if I die I hope someone who knows me and realizes how much I love my blog would have the where-with-all to post something for my readers.' But maybe they don't know these things so I ought to tell them. Do you think if I post my will on my blog (you know...in public) it makes it sort of legal? So is it morbid to announce what I want to happen to my left-behinds on here? Well, I'm not remotely feeling morbid, nor depressed, so don't panic. First, if Ralexwin and I die together my children are to go to his oldest brother (and his wife). If they die in the same accident.... well then you've got bigger problems to worry about since they live in Texas and we live in South Dakota. Second, I would li...

Yesterday, after we'd spent over an hour at the grocery store buying school supplies and arguing over what cereals we can and cannot eat, I nearly bit Vicbowin's head off. Well... okay, I did bite her head off. I was unloading the groceries into the back of the truck. I was tired, my feet hurt, Remewin was fussy from the four shots she'd received that morning at the doctor. . . and I'm now making excuses. . . I'll just tell you the facts and let you decide, on this True Me Tuesday. The kids were all sitting in the air conditioned car (windows down to blow out the heat) and after I was done returning the cart I hopped into the drivers seat next to Vicbowin. I was slammed with a wall of hot air. I looked down and saw that the heat had been turned on and was going full blast. I looked over at Vicbowin and she giggled and I lost it! I yelled at her saying how 'not funny' that was. I gestured at her siblings in the back seat and explained how hot t...

If you search around the blogosphere long enough (unlike me... who has a life) you'll start to notice trends. You can hop on the ' Follow Me Friday ' band wagon or you can do the ' Post It Note Tuesday ' thing. You could also try your hand at ' Getting to Know You Sunday ' or ' Wordless Wednesday ' There's also another one... What I Wore Wednesday ( another variation ). The idea is to post pictures of the things you have worn that week. The first time I saw this I thought to myself, "Bloggers are running out of ideas!" Then I looked closer and I saw blogs where super cute women wore super cute clothes and blogged about it. 'Oh, sure... the cute ones take pictures, how very self-absorbed' I grumbled to my not in the best shape self. Then I got to thinking about it. The problem with these types of posts IMOBO (in my own blog opinion) is that they give the impression that mothers should be perfect. Obviously if they can dr...