The Great and Random Ramblings of Cannwin

Yesterday was one of the worst days I have ever had in my life. As if someone had cut open my soul and layed bare my most secret hurts for the entire world to see.

I have never in my entire life felt such humiliation, rage and hatred as I did yesterday. When I tried to get to where Ralexwin was, I was so completely incapacitated by my emotions that I literally crumbled onto the steps below me.

And in those dark moments, on such a dark day, I realized clearly one thing. I miss South Dakota so much that I can feel it in my bones. I miss my house and my yard and my stupid driveway with it's stupid mud pits. I miss the fireflies and the humidity and the stupid mosquitos. I miss the biting cold and the freezing rain and the stupid snow days. I miss my sweet friends who love me and my neighbors who watch out for me and even the stupid angry man that yelled at me on my front porch.

I miss it all so much that I can't even bear to think about it.

So as I lay there on the stairs and sob…

Today I'm going to go to the water park with a girl from church. It's nice to think I've been invited somewhere. :)

She said, "Let's do something this week." As if we'd been friends for years and this was just a normal day occurrence. Nice.

The problem is that Vicbowin hates the water park. I'm not sure why either, she just does and she'll fight me when I tell her where we're going.

It's been really hard on her moving here. Harder than anyone else. While the Mischievite makes friends as easily as some people eat candy (okay, all people) Vicbowin is left struggling to find someone, anyone her age who will say five words to her.

While Albowin just scowls at everyone and prefers time to himself, Vicbowin cries herself to sleep and notes exactly how much time has passed since we've been here (It's been two months now, Mom, and still no friends.)

So for some reason the water park is the personification of this issue for her. She HATES i…

One of the things I've noticed, since being here in my new home, is that there is an incredible amount of talk about converting non-Mormons.

It rankles me. It itches at my offended bone. It makes me wrinkle my nose in disdain.

I'm not sure exactly what it is but I think that part of it is because:

1) Every lesson at church eventually turns into 'and you can use this as a way to convert non-Mormons.'

2) I secretly HATE the term Mormon.

3) There seems to be very little discussion on helping current members of the church who are struggling or who aren't even coming.

4) There is more to my faith than just converting the world.

So on Sunday's when inevitably someone says those fateful words, ("And when you are being kind to those around you... especially the non-Mormons... you'll see more people coming to church.") I think about living in South Dakota.

I think about how our small, tiny little congregation was in such a different position than here in U…

Maybe a cheat photo?
This is my desktop.
This week I discovered a cool website for icons and changed all of the ones  on my desktop to cupcakes.
Even Starcraft has a cupcake icon now (men everywhere are groaning in disgust).
And yes, that is the temperature outside right now at 7:38P while I'm typing this. Blah!

Lately I've been really struggling to come up with things to blog about. There just isn't really anything going on in my life. Except that shouldn't even be an issue because I typically can come up with all sorts of things to go on and on about, but lately I've got nothing.

I don't know if it's just because my days are filled with mundane things that aren't really that interesting or if I've just hit some sort of writers block.

Surely there is more to it than that. Maybe it's because I've been reading more books of late and that takes up my time and imagination.

Right now I'm reading a really good book called "The Wise Man's Fear" by Patrick Rothfuss. It's the second book in a series and is so far just as incredibly well written as the last one was. I'm very engrossed.

Other than that I have nothing of interest going on in my life whatsoever. Essentially I'm having a dry run around these here parts.

I suppose that j…

Vicbowin has this problem. It's a medical issue, something that's been affecting her since she was an infant. She'd die if I told you about it so we'll call it 'slurping.'

So, like I said, her entire life she's struggled with this and I have been patient with the medical community... sometimes excessively so... this weekend I've decided I'm done with patience and I'm trying a new tactic. I'm going to call it 'hell hath no fury.'

But let me backtrack a little. Okay a lot.

Waaaaay back when Vicbowin was a baby I took her to the doctor for her 'slurping' problems. The pediatrician immediately sent me to a specialist. The specialist had a 6 month-out-schedule... so it took us a while to get in. We went once and the medical gentleman in question put Vicbowin on some over the counter medication in preparation for our next visit.

In the 6 months that followed everything in our life changed (Ralexwin was sent to Iraq) including our i…

I have this unbelievably huge pile of laundry sitting next to the stairs waiting for it's turn in the machine. Half of it smells like campfires, bug spray and sunblock.

The kids lips are all cracked and swollen. Their eyes are puffy with sun exposure and their skin is dark brown.

Yesterday I had to go buy new shoes for three of my four children because they destroyed their other pairs over the weekend (who knew you could get holes in shoes so quickly?).

Camping used to be fun, then I grew up and got put in charge.

I have tons of family visiting today so my blog will be short... but I wanted to tell you about my car trouble over the weekend.

I had a blow out.

You know, one of those driving down the freeway at 80 mph and your tire explodes beneath you.

Yep... I've done that twice now in my life.

This weekend was #2.

Luckily I only spent about 5 minutes on trying to figure out how I was going to handle it (since I was only 1 MILE from the exit I wanted) when a car load of guys pulled over, hopped out and had it fixed within half an hour.

It was very nice. Especially since I know the difference... once when I was 16 I ran out of gas (a typical teen thing) and sat on the side of the road for an entire DAY before someone stopped.

So I was pleased with the 5 minutes of this one.

It definitely made the ordeal bearable.

Have you ever had a blow out?

Remewin got car sick on our trip up to the family ranch this week.  I've actually never had a child get car sick on me before.

I really hope it never happens again.
She threw up all over herself and I was on a stretch of road that had no room to pull over.
When it was done (and I found a place to stop) I stripped her down to her diaper, yanked the carseat out of the car, and shoved it all in the trunk until I could deal with it later.
Now that's mommy-ing. The ability to shove vomit soaked clothing in an out of the way place without batting an eye.

The drive up the 'The Mountain' is extraordinary and never ceases to amaze my senses.

The road winds around the Southern Utah countryside as it climbs in elevation.

At first you cross through a dry dusty landscape that almost seems as if it has long lost all desire to bring forth beauty. The dirt and rocks are pale brown and the vegetation is sparse and unattractive. Then, as your climb  takes you higher and deeper into the mountains the changes of environment slowly become more apparent. Here a Cactus has blossomed with the added moisture in the ground, there a small cluster of Quaking Aspens grows towards the heavens.

One of the most interesting parts of the entire drive, though, is the road itself. Since the family's land lies just outside of Zion National Park a significant portion of the trip is spent on Federal land.  What makes this fun is that all of the roads in Zion N.P. are red.

Not red like a firetruck, but red like the sandstone blows in the winds of this area…

Ralexwin's family has a bunch of land (like 500+ acres) just outside of Zion National Park. It's one of those properties that's been in the family since the area was settled WAAAAAY back when (and that he's only inherited a smidgen of because it's so old).

Now, as a lucky card carrying member of the family I get to enjoy the great perk of a mountain retreat.

Which is where I'm going to go today.

The WinFamily Reunion is all this week and I'm sure I'll come back with a great photo for Friday. Everyone will be camping up there... but I'm not so inclined--mainly because I can't find the tent--so I'm just going to drive up and down for the next few days. A prospect that is sure to enrage the children.

So what are you getting the dad in your life for Father's Day?

Wow. I really didn't mean to not blog today. I swear it's not a sign of me losing interest, I just had a bit of a busy morning so it didn't happen.

Then I sat down to read a book and next thing I knew it was lunch time and I realized I hadn't blogged.

So we'll have a discussion today, shall we?

What would you do if you had a son who loved to wear dresses, play with dolls and pretend to be a princess? Would you be worried? Would you forbid it? Would you pray that it would just pass?

Thoughts?

So, I swear that everyone I know thinks that I spend all of my time floating around the blogging world.

What is it about posting a blog everyday that makes people think that all bloggers do is... blog?!

If I wrote in my journal everyday would people say "All you do is journal. Don't you have other things you ought to be doing?"

Right. They wouldn't... because journaling is an acceptable hobby.

Maybe I'm just getting tired of all the little comments that people make and am venting a little. But just to clarify... I DO NOT spend all my time on the internet.

In fact, I probably spend an hour in the morning checking my email and doing a post for here. Then I get up, do my mom thing and go about my day. Sometimes in the afternoon I get online again when the kids are all occupied elsewhere or the baby is sleeping, but usually I nap with her. Then I check my email again before I go to bed.

Obviously this isn't all the internet I do... I sometimes watch NetFlix, I s…