The Great and Random Ramblings of Cannwin

Everyone keeps asking me if I'm going to go see the new Twilight movie and I gotta tell you... I'm not. I enjoyed the books! I've even read them more than once (really not that big of a recommendation as I typically read books more than once) BUT the movies suck people! Like really suck. Like, seriously Stephenie, couldn't you have held out for a better budget? JK Rowling did and her fans aren't nearly as psychotic as yours are. Here's the thing--I've seen the first two movies and you know what? I swear I've never laughed so hard in my entire life! I mean can't breathe, stitch in your side, pee your pants and nearly vomit sort of laughing. I get together with my girlfriends and we watch them for the sole purpose of laughing our rear ends off. So when people ask me if I want to go see Breaking Dawn with them I say, "You really don't want me in the theatre with you. I'm likely to get us both beat up." Imagine it! A roo...

Dear (insert old boyfriend here), I look back on our relationship and the only thing I can say is... what was I thinking ? Sincerely, Better Off Without You * * * Dear Creepy Guys #1-52, I don't know who taught you how to pick up on a girl, but you really need some pointers, like if you're going to start the introduction with a body comment, go for the smile. Sincerely, Human Being of the XX Variety * * * Dear Creepy Guys #53-78, You should be in prison. Sincerely, Name Withheld * * * Dear Repair Man, I am capable of thought even the kind that involves nuts and bolts. In fact I'm probably quicker than you are. So let's just cut to the chase shall we. Sincerely, Rosie the Riveter * * * Dear Modern Man, I'm a perfectly comfortable being your equal as long as the children and I get off the ship first. Sincerely, Woman

 So, it's February and since everyone is going to be blogging about all things love I thought I'd go ahead and write a bunch of anti-love letters. Dear Old Navy, I don't love you. I know that I keep coming back to you, but the truth is I think you're cheap and I'd rather be with Gap, but Gap asks too much of me so I keep falling back on you. I imagine that you don't mind too much. You never seem to mind when I show up at your door, but I just thought we ought to make our relationship clear. I'm really a Gap girl, you're just my fall-back. I hope that doesn't hurt you too much. Sincerely, Cannwin ---- Dear Gap, I know we've had this on again, off again relationship for years now, but I have to tell you something--I went and saw American Eagle over Christmas and I'm considering leaving you for AE. Will it crush you? Is it possible that if things don't work out with AE you'll let me come back? I hope so. Yours, Can...

Dear Silver Car that parked on my street last week: Sorry if that dent is new. Maybe next time don't park directly across from my driveway. Sincerely, Huge Silver Truck **** Dear Similac: The recall on your toddler formula was like three months ago. How long does it really take you to resupply? Sincerely, Mom of a hungry toddler. **** Dear Director's of the movie Salt, Dumb, dumb, dumb ending. Sincerely, Annoyed Patron **** Dear Oven, When I set you at 300* for an hour expecting you to warm up the food you're holding I would appreciate it if you took the hint. Thanks, Frazzled Chef **** Dear LDS Omaha, Nebraska Mission, I get the reasoning behind the guys not being able to come in my house unless my husband is home. But when it's 5* outside and they insist on standing on my porch for 15+ minutes because said spouse is late I begin to wonder if there isn't a line that needs to be decisively drawn in the sand--er snow. Sinc...

Plinky Prompt: When's the last time you lost your temper in public? This is a very common problem in my family (siblings not spouse). In fact, I grew up with the threat of a public displays of aggression (PDA) looming over my head. When your family is prone to yelling at complete strangers you learn to work in a certain way. You avoid long lines, large groups, traffic, persons of authority... the list could go on and on. I hate PDA's and am proud to say that I can't remember the last time I actually had one. Unless of course you count those times I've lost it on my children at Wal-Mart. Like when Vicbowin went to look for a toy she wanted to buy and the Mischievite took off after her without even pausing for my "No." I don't consider those PDA's though. They're more like PDP's (public display of parenting). I'll tell you a story of an odd PDA that happened some years back when I was living with my brother. Star Wars #1 had just co...

In the mail last week I found (to my delight) a new catalog--I love catalogs--from Athleta. Now, first, lets just clarify that I've never purchased anything from these guys before, but I imagine that Gap sold them my address. I'm okay with that... I like junk mail. But here's the point. As your strolling through the catalog you come across a yoga section with what I can only describe as some of the worst marketing I have ever seen. Why? Because the photos clearly and decisively distracted me from the product. Let me give you an example: source: athleta.com I'll wait... go ahead click on it. ::cleans fingernails:: Yes. You see. I'll bet you're not even reading the rest of this post. You're trying to figure out how the he** she's doing that. If you're anything like me you've taken a moment to try to put your hand on the floor next to your leg... forget lifting anything, you can't even put your hand and leg on the floor at the...

Plinky Prompt : Share an embarrassing experience. Once, way back when (four years ago) when I was pregnant with the Mischievite I decided I needed some new clothes. It had been a long time since I had been pregnant and maternity fashion had changed considerably (from tents to tanks). I was pretty desperate for something to wear that made me look young and spry. Enter the Arizona Mills Mall , the closest mall to where we lived and, conveniently, an outlet mall... that happened to have a Motherhood outlet. It was a tiny little shop with lots of racks of clothes and lots of extra large bellies trying to scooch around each other. In the far back corner I spotted what I was looking for--"70% off"--and made a beeline for the overstuffed rack. Music softly played in the air above me, women chatted quietly about different colors or fashions, and the employees smiled their skinny people smiles at all of us large, uncomfortable, potential customers. The rack I was interested...

Today my kids are helping me with my blog post. There is absolutely no point to the title except that the Mischievite came up with it. Vicbowin What do you want to be when you grow up? I don't know, I haven't thought about it.   What is your favorite color? Turquoise How do you make bread? You make some dough and stick it in the oven.   Who's your best friend? Jenna.   What is gravity? Something that pulls you to the Earth and sucks you to the middle of it.   Where do babies come from? A mom's belly.   Where does electricity come from? An outlet in the wall.   How much does a house cost? A million dollars. What would you do with $100 dollars? I would buy everything in the world.   If you could go anywhere in the world to visit, where would you go? Australia. What is one new thing you would like to try this year? I want to practice dying.   What is one memory you have from this summer? Mosquitos.   If you...

A while back I signed up to get notifications from Anthropologie in my email--not because I have ever bought anything from them (too pricey) but because a woman needs to do some window shopping now and then. Anyway, the last email I got had this picture attached. Now... I love this skirt. I love the whole outfit, but I have to tell you for the last few days the whole picture has been in the back of my head nagging me incessantly. Why? Well... There is absolutely no way she would be able to ride that bike in that skirt. It just screams disaster. Can you imagine? Try to for a moment. Plus, do you see the bar on that bike? We're not talking a cruiser here... this is a full hitch-your-leg-over-it bike. I'm wondering if the photographers have ever taken a turn on a bike themselves. Because I have and I'm telling you she's going to end up with a concussion. I suppose she could tie the skirt up to her knees as she was riding, but then you have another sort of...

One of my favorite quotes is 'Yours is not to reason why, yours is but to do or die.' I frequently repeat this to my children because their favorite word seems to be 'Why!? ' -Why do I have to clean my room? -Why do I have to get dressed? -Why do I have to bathe? -Why do I have to put my shoes on? -Why do we have to go to the grocery store? -Why? Why? Why?! So I say it. "Yours is not to reason why yours is but to do or DIE! Now get in the car." Obviously my kids aren't to worried about my death threats. They know I'm just being dramatic (where did you think they got it from?) Sometimes their questions lead to extradordinary discussions about politics, medicine, economics, or philosophy. - Why do we have to follow the speed limit? Why do we have to wear our seat belts? -Why can't we just not go to church today? -Why do mosquito's have to suck my blood?  -Why do banks care about your money? (they don't my dear) Other tim...

Post SubTitle: Crafting and Men I've finally started making curtains for the front room of our house--a year and a half later. I do have a good excuse though... curtains are pricey! and we have six (yes, 6) windows in our living room. So Wal-Mart has some extra long sheet sets on clearance for $5. Total score in the way of white fabric. I bought some for the purpose of making curtains. One curtain down... five to go. I'm sure my house looks weird from the outside right now. You see, I've run into a little problem. I need strips of wood for the tops and bottoms of the curtain (to secure it to the window) I've got the wood, but have you ever tried to saw BY HAND twelve strips of  3/4in. x 19 1/2in. wood strips? It's not fun. I asked Ralexwin if he'd go get them cut for me, but he gracefully avoided the question by saying something along the lines of "Is dinner ready!?" He wants me to do it myself. I understand that. He doesn't want to ...

This is Jack.  Jack used to be a mound of crisp white snow, but one day a horde of kids came by and started to push and pack and stomp that snow. They turned it and mashed it and wadded it. Jack thought it hurt just a bit, but because he didn't have a mouth he didn't cry out. The kids were happy and that made Jack happy too because the truth is that snowmen are meant to make kids happy. Then a scarf was put around his neck. It was very feminine and Jack was just a bit embarrassed by it. But the kids were watching him so he kept his mouth shut.  Then a boy wandered over and pushed off his head. 'That was rude.' Jack thought, but he didn't say anything. The other kids started in on the boy. The boy began to cry. This made Jack sad. He was okay to having his face in the ground if it meant that someone was happy, but they weren't happy... they seemed mad. To bad they hadn't given him arms yet. Then Jack heard a voice. It was a mom's voice and Jack w...

Dear World Wide Web, I miss you. I know you probably don't care--but there it is. I'm lonely for you and I was wondering if you felt the same. Is it possible that we could come to some sort of arrangement? I know you have a lot of other people vying for your attention I was just hoping I might be special. Do you miss me? If you feel the same just give me a sign, something... anything to show me you notice me. Forever Devoted, Cannwin

Sometimes when I wake up in the morning I can't think of anything to blog about. On those days I do a lot of internet surfing. I go to certain sites that I know have prompts. I fish around for something funny. Every once in a while I find a real gem of internet humor. Today was one of those days. Today I found AwkwardFamilyPhotos. Then I got to thinking. . . I wonder if I have any awkward photos floating around on my computer. So I started to look. It was a rather dismal display (I guess I must delete anything to embarrassing) the only thing I could find was the myriad of pictures with Albowin scowling: He hates pictures. A lot. Not exactly awkward... just funny. My hope for something to blog about was growing dim. I clicked through my 2007 files, my 2008's and was in July of 2009 before I found this gem of throat clearing awkwardness. Ah yes... that's about right. Leave it to the Mischievite to find a way to immortalize himself on the internet.

Strangers in the night exchanging glances The Mischievite loves to sleep in our bed. I don't mind so much, Ralexwin does. Wond'ring in the night Last night I woke to two sounds. What were the chances. . . The gentle pleading cries of Remewin wanting to eat and the tap, tap, tap of the Mischievite knocking on our bedroom door. Strangers in the night, two lonely people When I opened the door the Mischievite walked past me as if he had all the right in the world to be in our room. I chuckled and went to get Remewin. When we said our first hello. Little did we know Ralexwin decided against having our night-time bed buddy and picked up the Mischievite. We passed each other in the doorway. Ralexwin heading out with one child, me going in with another. Love was just a glance. . . The Mischievite was furious. He screamed and sobbed and wailed for his "MOOOOOMMMMMY!" Strangers in the night, two lonely people We were strangers in the night ...

Iyawin has a little quirk that I have to tell you... drives his dad nuts. He constantly wants to be a princess. He loves princesses. He loves dresses. If Vicbowin leaves the door to her room open he'll raid her dirty clothes. If one of the women in the house wears a dress (me, MU, Vicbowin, or Remewin) he gets excited and asks, "You a princess?" So yesterday Ralexwin did his studying at the house, to help me while I've been plum useless with this back, and he got to see the antics of his 2 year old full throttle. "Me a princess!" Iyawin shouted as he bounced into the living room in his sisters pink skirt. Ralexwin gave me a flat look. A look that said, what are you doing to my son when I'm not here? I shrugged. Later that day it got even better. MU had come upstairs from her little kid free utopia and was playing with Iyawin. The sounds of their voices could be heard down the hall. "Me a princess!" Iyawin exclaimed. "No,...

Amidst the flash of camera's and the scratching of pencils, Cannwin spoke to reporters this morning about the whirlwind that struck her home over the weekend. "I'm just glad we all made it through in one piece. To be quite frank, I was certain we were going to have some bumps and bruises." It all started last week when Cannwin realized she'd taken on to much. "I looked at my calendar and thought to myself, 'I'm only one woman.' " Cannwin, a professed member of the LDS faith did not blame her religion for her overscheduling. "Many people think that Mormon women are 'forced' to be perfect. That's a common misconception. I never feel pressure from the men in my life to be better. It's all self-inflicted." She went on to describe the events of those harrowing 48 hours. "Friday night I told my husband that I'd rather not go to bed, because then I'd have to wake up. It was a hard moment for me, knowin...

There's a hair in my bowl There's some hair on my coat There's so much hair in the tub -that it's starting to float. There's pills for my health There's pills for depression With a dime for each pill -I could end the recession. My chest is all sore My skin is all saggy I wish that my clothes -were a little bit baggy. I wake up at one I wake up at four I wake up at every -stupid creak in the floor. I changed clothes last month I showered last week As you can imagine -I'm starting to stink. There's toys on the floor There's laundry in piles Sometimes I just wish -I could sleep for awhile. I went to the store Took the baby along I thought that I'd... That I'd... z z z z z z z z

"Mom, there's a hole in my shoe."

(First off who can tell me what movie my title comes from? It's in a song in a movie) Okay: ------------- Vicbowin: Is that a debit card or a gift card? Me: Gift. Vicbowin: Oh. Gift cards aren't as much fun... because you can only use them once and you can use debit cards over and over again. ---------------- Albowin: Which aisle do you want me to go down. MC: That one. Albowin: Which one!? MC: The first one. Albowin (frustrated and consequently loud): Do you want me to go down that aisle or the one where the lady with the different color skin is? --------------- (at Vicbowin's baptism) Iyawin screaming at the top of his lungs and kicking so hard his socks fly off: I wanna take a baff too!!!!! ------------- Vicbowin: Jane isn't very nice. She lies a lot. She has a brown face. Me: What!? That doesn't have anything.... Vicbowin: I know, I know. I know a lot of people with brown faces that are really nice, she just isn't. Me: (T...