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Showing posts from September, 2010

Poetry In Motion

To the tune of "Your Happy Birthday"

Today is such a scary day
my children are at home

I'd really like to celebrate
but they're at home with me

Today is such a dreary day
my children are all sick

I'd really like to take a nap
but they're all here with me

Oh, Vicbowin's at 101*
and Remewin's a mess.

I'd really like to clean the house...

Nah, I think I'll just go grab my book.

Blog Prompts for the Blogging Blocked

Another longer than usual night... combined with the need to clean the house, shower, do some laundry, put the baby down for her nap and get ready for 10 people to come over in two hours... has created a very uninspired brain on my part.

It's been quite a while since I've needed a blogging prompt but today I'm going to use one. Sorry--don't hate me.

Plinky Prompt: Name three songs you never get sick of.

1. If You're Not The One by Daniel Bedingfield

2. My Immortal by Evanescence

3. The Voice by Celtic Woman

In fact I took extra time just to watch these video's all over again. ::sigh:: I really like these three songs.

What are your top 3?

Night Stalker

Last night was one of those long, interesting nights where things that don't tend to happen all happen at once.

Take for example Vicbowin coming into my room at 11-ish to tell me she couldn't sleep. I got up to help her only to find her stripped down and shivering. 'Where are your clothes!?' I asked.

'They were wet,' came her half coherent reply.

It didn't cross my mind why they would be wet, I just went to her drawers to find some more. She has one of those beds with the drawers underneath so I had to lean down to dig, as I did so I put my hand on her mattress and discovered that it too was wet--soaked actually.

Shocked I asked, 'Did you wet your bed?'

'No.' She recoiled (groggily) at the thought.

I lifted the blankets... it was all wet. 'Did you spill your drink?'


Clearly she wasn't awake, and clearly she had no recollection of what had happened. I let it slide and allowed her to climb into bed with Ralexwin and m…

Funny Things the Kids Say Part 367.2

The Mischievite standing on top of a slide.

Me: 'Sit down please, I don't want you falling.'

Mischievite: 'Yeah, cause me fall and then me crack my head open and then me go back to Jesus.'


Albowin after noticing a sign that says STAIR.

'Mom, why is it commanding us to stare?'

Mischievite to a friend:

'When me die me go back to Jesus and then me become a mermaid!'

Albowin to Mischievite:

'That's Mom's soda. It's Diet Coke. It's for fat people like mom, she's fat and wants to be skinny so she drinks Diet Coke because Diet Cokewill make you skinny.'

Mischievite arguing science.

'Babies not human, they pigs.'

Q & A Tag

1. Did you swear you'd never do something when you became a parent and now find yourself doing? Fess up.

I swore my kids would never be the ones with the messy faces and snotty noses. I just knew I wouldn't let my kids wander around looking like the grapes of wrath. I thought to myself, 'Why do parents let their children go around looking like that!?'

Now I know and I don 't care what other non-mom's think.

2. If you could only eat three foods for the rest of your life, what would they be?
Homemade Mac & Cheese
Parmesan Chicken

3. Retell your worst dating experience.
Worst?Hmm, there was that one time I ended up on a blind date (that I didn't want to go on but had been pressured into) doubling with my ex-boyfriend and the girl he dumped me for. It was horrible. I had said no to the date like 5 times and then my ex showed up with the guy at my house... insisting that I come. I'm sure the new girlfriend remembers it just as much as I do. Ne…

I Am the Mischievite!

Today the children are out of school for teacher in-services. So far it's been a nice day, but it's also 8:57AM.
I took the opportunity to try out the video on my lovely new camera a friend of mine gave me (best hand me down EVER). Then I did something I've never done before in my life... I uploaded to YouTube.

Do you like my voice?!
I actually hate it.
Also I thought I'd share with you some of those eye candy things that I drool over every time I'm on the internet.
Why would I do that? Well, because everyone else does... so why can't I!?
Interestingly enough... none of them are clothing, but all can be found at Anthropologie.

When you are on the internet what do you covet?

Tonight I have a hot date with my husband of 10 years.
Hope you all have a wonderful weekend too.

10 Years/10 Stories: #10

Chat between Ralexwin and me, 2010:
ralexwin: Cannwin, Look on ebay there is two kirby's there for only like $350 dollars.What do you think? Bidding ends in like two I am not buying a kirby in two hours that is way to spontaneousralexwin: With shampoo-er and everything else. Well it might get bidded up the closer it come s to selling but I am serious. I was pretty impressed with my Mom's Kirby why because we need to think it through that's why!and how big and unmanageable are they?ralexwin: if you want performance you aren't going to get it with a fisher price are you being sarcastic? fisher price is a kids toy brand, honeyralexwin: I know but they are cheap! unlike Tonka that lasts foreverme: sarcasm is forbidden Ralexwin. if you think it's worth it, but I'm sure spontaneity will breed regret.ralexwin: That has the sound of sagely advice but I don't think it is spontaneity. We have talked about [getting a] Kirby for years.

Someboday Call Alamo

Today we had this wild rain storm. I love wild rain storms, but this one had a bit of a punch to it.
It started out as a pretty nice day--the sun was shining, the birds were singing, the mosquitoes were eating...
I hauled the kids to our car for some much needed errand running.
Then the sky turned black and the only thing left around was those dang mosquitoes.
By the time I had driven the 10-ish blocks to my friends house (to loan her our lawn-mower) the rain was coming down pretty heavy, but nothing a light jacket wouldn't fix.
Second I had to go drop some papers off at a government office about five blocks away from my friends.
By the time I pulled into the parking lot I had to brace myself for the dash inside. When I reached the door my hair was dripping.
I stayed inside for about 5 minutes and when I came out the sky had lightened up a bit. The rain had settled to a steady pour but in the distance I could hear a distinct "thump.... thump.... thump" of hail stones hitting me…

10 Years/ 10 Stories: #9

My journal June 10, 2007:
"Ralexwin's dad died last night, sometime around midnight. ... Naturally I am sad, but it's still sinking in. When I woke this morning to the sounds of the Mischievite's cries I smiled and laughed and loved him and fed him. Then I remembered [all that had happened last night] and the sadness hit, washing away my happiness. ...

We've never dealt with something like this before and I don't know how Ralexwin will handle it, nor do I entirely know how to care for him in grief. I do know Ralexwin needs me to be strong, efficient and in control right now. That always seems to be the role I get [but I don't mind]."
Sometimes marriage is a strange, surreal sort of existence. You spend the first half of your life dreaming about being married and having children and the second half trying to come to accept that you aren't dreaming anymore.

Experiences that you only prepared for in passing soon become distant memories recorded in eac…

Trying To Break Free

The final story I want to share with you does not involve a parent and a child. It is the story of a young girl who fell in love with the wrong man. One of the number one questions people want the answer to regarding abuse is 'Why would any one stay!?' I hope this story gives you a better understanding of why.
I was raised in an abusive home so I knew what abuse was first hand.  I always told myself I would never let anyone treat me that way or stay in a relationship that was abusive. I consider myself a pretty headstrong person when I want to be and that was one thing I would not budge on.

I was living in Montana when I met him. He was the most attractive man I had ever seen, with sky blue eyes that took my breath away and a smile that made me weak in the knees.

I was doing pretty well for myself at the time, I had my dream job, a nice place, and a beautiful dog. He and I were in the same group of friends. We hung out and over time I fell in love with him and he was …

10 Years/10 Stories: #8

My journal February 20, 2005:

"Ralexwin should be home on the 26th. I am starting to get excited, but I don't think it will really hit me until her leaves Kuwait, which will be tomorrow night (my time).

Vicbowin is so excited about him coming home, she keeps telling everyone.

'My daddy's coming home from war and I'm gonna marry him.'"

While Ralexwin was in Iraq my neighbor gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. When I first met this little creation of God I was enamored. His chubby little cheeks and angelic blond hair seemed to flick a switch inside my body and I suddenly became aware of an overwhelming, inescapable urge to get pregnant.

As you can guess, I was incapable of putting myself into such a state and had to satisfy the burning desire with tending the sweet little boy as often as I could.

By the time Ralexwin returned I was being incinerated by my bodies desire to multiply and replenish the Earth.

Except there was this one slight hiccup. One of the ma…

Trading Cyber-Spaces

You remember when I did that fun little blog trade off with Evelyn?

When we picked specific themes and then swapped cyber-spaces to tempt all of you to head on over to the other persons blog?

Remember that?

Well, I had so much fun (and I know you did too) that I'm interested in doing it again.

Except that I'm not quite comfortable emailing any of you others like I did Evelyn.

Call me chicken.

Call me a blind-call-aphobic.

Call me what you will. The truth is I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

So I'm sending out my call here. I love you all and would love to spend a month swapping and getting to know you better. If you're up to the rigors of 4 specified blog posts to be posted on specific days and at specific times then you should email me at the above email.

I'd love to have you come over and play!

10 Years/10 Stories: #7

Letter from Ralexwin to me mid-summer 2004:
"I've been talking to some guys who are just getting back from leave and it sounds like the Army will fly me anywhere I want to go. [How about Alaska?]. There is nothing appealing in going to St. George for leave, it's hot, desert and nobody will be there. Hmmm, kind of sounds like--let me think-- I know it sounds familiar... something like IRAQ!!!
And then there is Phoenix, what is there appealing about Phoenix? Let me think--hot, dry, desert... I'm starting to see a pattern here.
Alaska sounds so majestic and paradisaical that I can almost taste the crisp clean cool air just thinking about it."

By July of 2004 Ralexwin and I had been apart for a year. This is somewhat confusing to explain because of all the military lingo involved.

To help get a better picture, the time line was something like this:

August of 2003 Ralexwin leaves for Missouri for some military training he was in need of.
November 2003 Ralexwin receives his…

Overcoming Abuse

The last two people I had talk to you guys about abuse were women, both struggled with a father's emotional and physical abuse. Today I am bringing to your attention the power of a father's abuse has on his sons. It is significantly different than the resulting life of a girl. Fathers are the example for a boy on how he is supposed to be. Imagine, if you will, a complete lack thereof. How would you cope if you lost your life's guide? How would you handle having to figure out correct behavior by yourself?

“Without continual growth and progress, such words as improvement, achievement, and success have no meaning.”
- Benjamin Franklin I have thought of that quote often as I have ventured through my life.  
When I was very young I realized that my world was different than other kids.  When I got a bad grade or when I said something wrong, I was spanked, and many times hit. While at home I had to deal with, physical, emotional, spiritual, and psychological abuse.  
The thing wa…

10 Years/ 10 Stories: #6

Entry of mine in 'Our' Journal-- June 18, 2002:
"Idaho, where I am now, is green and there are clouds... two things Phoenix hasn't seen the likes of in quite a while. I am here for a bit to try to quench the loneliness of having Ralexwin gone. But not for too long since I am pregnant and will need to return to see my doctor.

I am a little bored, but Vicbowin is managing to keep herself occupied at my mother's house.

I want to write to Ralexwin... if I keep writing then he'll know all about the cute things Vicbowin is doing or what I'm doing. He'd get to smell the fresh air and see the dark storm clouds moving in and he could sleep next to me.

It's not so hard though, I am not dwelling on his absence and seem to be handling it well."Our love story has always been, and probably always will be, filled with absences. Some are long stretches spanning over weeks and months (and sometimes years) others are only a day or two, but either way Ralexwin has m…

No Longer Young

Today is my birthday.
(Or rather it will be my birthday when you read this... right now it is 10:59PM the night before my birthday)
I toyed with the idea of telling you all the wonderful things that have happened to me on this my thirtieth birthday, but then I remembered something.
I hate birthday's.
Well, no... I just hate my birthday.
It's not that I don't WANT to like my birthday, I truly do.
The reality is, however, that September rarely goes well for me.
I mean, take September 11th for example--right before my birthday.
My parents separated... 4 days before my 15th birthday.
My husband flat out missed two of my birthdays.
But I can't really fault him because I've actually forgotten one of them myself.
And school? Having a birthday at the beginning of a school year guarantee's you one thing--no one will notice. There's a higher chance of the summer birthdays being celebrated than the September ones. I tried to bypass this crack slipping once by having my own bir…

10 Years/10 Stories: #5

Entry of mine in 'Our' Journal--November 4, 2000:
"Last night I was trying to go to sleep and I thought about our money. I thought of how I didn't think we were doing very well compared to when i was in St. George. Then I realized my money stress isn't so bad because we both have jobs and incomes and we are doing fine! What's the worst thing that can happen? I have all I need. I have you and no matter if we are dirt poor or not I have you and that is the most important thing to me."
The phone rang at 4 AM and Ralexwin reached over to pick it up.

I listened quietly to the single syllable conversation going on beside me.

"Okay, thanks." He said as he put the phone down and headed for the closet.

I rolled over and dozed until Ralexwin kissed me goodbye for the day. After the front door shut behind him I allowed myself the luxury of REM.

The phone yanked me out of oblivion an hour or so later.

"Hello?" I mumbled, thinking it was my husband.


At approximately 3:00PM on September 11, 2010 Cannwin's blogger background suffered a fatal attack of the virus known as 'Unknown Photobucket Image.'

All attempts at reviving the background failed and Cannwin was forced to face the inevitable.... She would have to upgrade her template.

We mourn the passing of the background and header that Cannwin so lovingly cultivated with her own two hands and ask everyone to be with her in this time of sorrow.

She hopes that you will understand if she changes her header several times in the next few weeks, as she works to find an adequate replacement for a dear friend.

Since Cannwin has very little resources, and experience in this field it is our hope that you will all be supportive of her in this time.

Thank You

Cannwin's Third Person Alter-Ego

10 Years/10 Stories: #4

Letter from Ralexwin to Me--September 2000:
 "I love you. I want you to know that I love you with all my heart and I want you to be happy.  I think that I hurt when I feel your hurt and sometimes I feel like I have to do something to make up for it. I can teach you to dance but you have to hear the music."The night before my wedding was, for lack of a better word, surreal. My sisters, my mom and myself all shared a hotel room together and talked about silly things.

I was informed that in order to have my hair stay in place the next day I should not wash it that night. This notion completely disgusted me and I reeled at the idea of having Ralexwin stroking my greasy hair, but I relented.

That night, as I took a nice, hot bath, I shaved my legs and avoided washing my hair. Then I went and climbed into my bed feeling nearly the same as I felt the night before I had left for my first overseas trip.

All the waiting was over and I drifted off to sleep.

I was pretty calm throughout…

Breaking the Cycle of Violence

Searching for survivor's of domestic violence wasn't hard. Finding people willing to talk about their experiences was a different story. The stipulation of all of my blog 'guests' was that their stories remain anonymous. Some of these people I have known personally, others I have contact with on the internet, all are scared of the repercussions of their identities becoming known. Today's guest describes herself as a 'survivor' and truly she is.

My father was my hero. He was big and strong and brave. He could solve any problem. He was smart and loved art and music and dance. He climbed mountains and skied down them again. He'd come and pick me up at school on my birthday and take me out for lunch at his favorite steakhouse. I adored him, and once I understood that it was impossible to marry him when I grew up, I knew I wanted to marry someone just like him.

My father was my boogeyman. We never knew quite what to expect from him, although we all spe…

10 Stories/10 Years: Story #3

Song I transcribed into a letter to Ralexwin Summer of 2000:
I want you to need me
Like the air you breathe
I want you to feel me
In everything
I want you to see me
In your every dream
The way that I taste you feel you breathe you need you
I want you to need me
Like I need you

More than you could know
And I need you
To never never let me go
And I need to be deep inside your heart
I just want to be everywhere you are....
(Celine Dion: I Want You To Need Me)
Our wedding day was set for one month after our fateful conversation. Looking back on it I think that if it were my daughter I would probably behave in the same manner my family did. They were shocked, confused, and tried more than once to get me to slow the whole thing down.

I was determined. I was afraid that if I changed the date Ralexwin would back out.

Why would I think such a thing?

Well, there was this one time... a few months before... that Ralexwin and I had discussed eloping. We joked a lot about it, actually, but this one t…


On Thursday, last, Vicobwin came home with the notion of making a lemonade stand. She was fairly determined to do it and since she's proven to be quite the little saleswoman I let her take the lead.

I told her that we could do it on Labor Day when everyone would be at the park (across the street). So she set about making her sign and selling her product.

On Sunday at church she informed all of her friends that she would be having one, and that they should all come. One of the boys suggested making cookies as well.

So she decided to sell cookies as well.

Her prices were a little higher than I was willing to let her charge (50 cents for a cup of lemonade, $1 for a cookie) so I made her drop them all by half... since, as the mom, I figured I knew what her target audience was willing to pay.

On Monday morning we made the cookies, carefully not licking the spoons and set up her table out front.

Vicbowin went out there with her current read--The Hobbit--and waited. At first she just sco…

10 Stories/10 Years: Story #2

Letter from Ralexwin to me--August 2000:
"My dear damsel of constant distress. I hope this epistle might find you in a bright mood of sunshine and flowers. Our love is as the turbulent sea in a mighty wind with crests of love and happiness that take us meters above the surface of mediocrity to the troughs of bitterness, and loneliness and sometimes almost hate. . .

I have [only ever wanted to be a man] strong in testimony and faith of the simple truths of the gospel of Christ. And by me I see a woman equally alive. Physically strong, mentally awake, and morally straight. Whose eyes burn with an inner strength of conviction and courage. A woman rugged, who can withstand the trials of the pioneers but refined enough to dine with queens. . .

Let's try again. I think you are sick of trying but I can't give up the right. Please don't be mad at me."Ralexwin and I began seeing each other around October 1999. It was all very hush-hush and Ralexwin made a good display of tr…